A Fine Crystal
by mrs.mythical
Summary: Based on a What if? scenario. What if Bree Tanner hadn't gotten killed by the Volturi? How would her life change, along with the Cullens' and Bella's? Rated T just to be safe because I'm paranoid.
1. The First Day

**UPDATE! If you've read this beforehand, check my profile. The update is there, in the bio part. You're not gonna want to miss it!  
**

**What if the Volturi hadn't killed Bree? How would life change for her, the Cullens, Bella, and everyone in between?  
**

**(picks up from chapter 25 in eclipse: mirror) Author's note: Starts out in chapter 25 of Eclipse, after Edward killed Victoria, and after the Volturi get to the scene once the whole battle is over. The Cullens are all gathered around to face Jane, Felix, and Demetri. So that means that the first part is from Bella's POV. Stephenie Meyer, of course, owns anything and everything Twilight. Don't sue me. I own the rest.**

Jane turned to look at the newborn Bree again, her face completely bored. "Felix?" she drawled.

"Wait," Edward interjected.

Jane raised one eyebrow, but Edward was staring at Carlisle while he spoke in an urgent voice. "We could explain the rules to the young one. She doesn't seem unwilling to learn. She didn't know what she was doing."

"Of course," Carlisle answered. "We would certainly be prepared to take responsibility for Bree."

Jane's expression was torn between amusement and disbelief.

"We don't - well, wait. We have never been known for second chances - it hurts our reputation - but let me weigh the pros and cons." her face went blank for the shortest of moments, maybe thirty seconds. Although I knew that it was neither the time nor the place to do so, I felt a little corner of my brain note how much easier life would be when I could think that fast.

I really didn't know this Bree, and she seemed to want nothing more but to flee from Jane's wrath or kill me, but the way Edward seemed to have some compassion for her made me feel guilty for how she would most likely die. Like Jane said, they didn't give out second chances like the Cullens, and definitely didn't care about another brick-in-the-wall average vampire like Bree.

Unless...

"Hm," Jane almost mockingly mused, "I suppose I've reached my decision. You can keep the newborn. She seems not to be a threat, but if Eleazar finds her to be... _useful_, please do inform us. I know Aro would greatly enjoy a new addition, and she could also be a gift." Jane laughed grimly to herself, and though it was light and innocent-sounding on the surface, I could tell something dark was just below the surface of her words.

"You know how Aro prizes specialties," she finished.

"One last thing." This was what we had been waiting for. "Bella," she eyed me in the most uncomfortable and menacing way.

Edward practically growled, "Could you please not do that?"

"Just checking." Jane smiled conspiratorially. "As I was saying, Bella, I'm sure Caius will be _so_ interested to hear that you're still human. Perhaps he'll decide to make a visit."

With that I was reminded of who Jane _really_ agreed with when it came to the Volturi.

"The date is set," Alice told Jane, speaking for the first time. "Maybe we'll come see you in a few months."

Jane's face had slowly gone blank and bored, once again, and she shrugged indifferently. She didn't really even look at Alice, just listening and acting as if she were giving her a weather report. She looked at Carlisle. "It was nice to meet you, Carlisle - I'd thought Aro was exaggerating. Well, until we meet again... Come."

And then they went just as they had come, dark cloaks, thankfully, drifting away from us.

Then I saw Bree again. Her eyes were filled with about a million emotions, the strongest of them relief and crazed hunger. Obviously, being in such close proximity was going to be a difficulty. Hopefully, though, young Bree would prove to be an ally for us and living proof that the Cullens were strong, gracious, and ready to take on anything. First we just had to make sure she didn't kill me.

##

Bree Tanner

I kept analyzing the surfaces of my face. I was still just about three, maybe four months old, as my new self, that is.

As a human, or, I should say "the age I will forever be," is 15. So close to 16, though. I shouldn't have left home so early.

Wet. Warm. Delicious, warm, wet, comforting, everything I want, something I don't actually need, sweet, sustainability, never-ending, tempting. Ruinous. Immoral. Life. It was a heartbeat, an it wasn't too far away. Bella, the human girl that this coven had, more or less, adopted as their own, still hadn't been very close to me since that day in the clearing when my life almost ended. For good reason, too. I was coherent now, no thanks to brutal negative reinforcement and hardcore animal binging, but if anyone, much less _her_, came near me, I'd snap. That day still rang pure in my mind. The _burning_, the pain of _everything._

We'd already tried my strength by driving near the town, but that went badly. We ended up needing a new car.

That was another thing that I didn't understand. I still had some humanity left in me, but I couldn't fathom why vampires, of all creatures, would want _cars_. We're fast enough to get pretty much anywhere at any time, and it's not like there wasn't more than enough to do besides drive. Instead of trying to understand cars or the Cullens' interest in them, I went back to looking at my face.

It was fascinating. I could practically _feel_ the texture and silky smoothness of my skin. I wasn't trying to be vain, but I'd never experienced anything like it before. My eyes were the coolest. Not to say I didn't like the animal-eaters' eyes - the gold and yellow eyes were interesting, too - but the shade of red mine were just boggled my mind. Nothing had ever compared to this color of red. Not a sunset, sunrise, or even the blood of my previous victims. It was richer red than a flame, even, seeing as how the flame is more orange than red. They practically glowed. A small, quiet, partially shrouded part of my mind was horrified. That was the humanity. Rather than seeing fascination or interest at everything so new, it saw evil. Evil and deadly predator and deceitful monster and every other name for us. It sent thrills of self-loathing and disgust throughout my body. My mind was so capacious, though, that an insignificant corner was almost nothing compared to the humanity had only started making appearances in my mind since I stopped drinking human blood.

My extremely strong muscles, when not breaking something unintentionally, were _really_ fun. I could feel so much energy, so much controlled and bottled-up power flowing through them that physical activity was never a chore. It was a hobby, an activity, and most of all, a distraction. Riley had never let us have as much freedom as the Cullens did. That pain, the one that showed up every time I thought of my days in the basement, in fear, in _hiding_ and loneliness, shot through my mind and body. I missed Diego _so much_.

My name is Bree Tanner, and I am a vampire.


	2. The Ropes

**As always, I don't own anything Twilight, just the rest of the stuff. Stephenie thought of all the important stuff. C=**

**A/N: If you haven't noticed, I'm a total newbie at publishing and such, so don't hate me if I embarrass myself by saying something stupid in the author's notes. I'm also one of the most awkward human beings on earth. No big deal, right? Uh, no. Thanks for reading :)**

Hunting humans was easy. Sniff, follow or lure, attack. Easy. Animals, though, were entirely different.

See, animals actually _listen_ to their innermost instincts and red flags. Humans may not. If you look trusting enough or "nice enough" to be unsuspected, humans trust you. Almost always.

Almost.

Holding up a facade had to be one of the most tedious things I'd ever done. I'm a newborn, fifteen year-old human, three month-old vampire, so, naturally, I'm still a little bit of a teenager inside. I don't have anyone to make me want to mature quicker, like Bella (who was most likely going to be just as skilled as her mate-to-be, Edward, the day she changed).

Like the horror at my glowing red eyes, my few shreds of humanity told me to be disobedient, to retaliate in the face of adult figures and be indecent. Of course, my logical side told me that these teachers weren't afraid to put me in my place or inform me that I could be destroyed by the Volturi if I gave away our identity. The Volturi, indeed, were terrifying. I still remember the fire Jane had put on me...

So I obeyed. Not at first, though.

The first time they gave me a lesson on slowing my pace, moving a little more, and holding breath, I blatantly disregarded it all. My vampire brain was taking notes, but I simply tried to recall as many human memories as I could. I already figured out that they were _very _difficult to remember, and some of them I didn't want to lose. Some, I did, though. The phrase, "We'll more than willingly send you to Volterra to join Aro - and Jane - if you don't want to be civilized with us," got through and I obliged them. Riley and Victoria didn't have anything on them.

The hunting, though... I shuddered. It had been only two weeks since I first sat, writhing in agony, in that clearing. I was more than astonished by my eyes, as the gold flecks that started to appear also fascinated me against the bright red. Animal blood was basically exactly like what they called it; being a vegetarian. As a human, like millions of others, I enjoyed bacon. Who doesn't? (Apparently, vampires. It smells horrible.) Once, I attempted, with a friend, to endure not eating meat for as long as possible. We had just been subjected to an awful documentary on how meat comes to be, fast food joints, all of that. Lettuce and tomato sandwiches get really boring, really fast without the bacon. Animal blood gets really boring, really fast without a little bit of human in there.

I was definitely going to Hell. I couldn't really care, though, because without Diego, there wasn't always something to look forward to.

One cool thing was that my favorite was the gray wolf. Through some stroke of luck, seeing as how they're rare, I stumbled upon one. I felt kind of bad afterwards because Carlisle - the father figure and unspoken leader of the coven - had then informed me that they were endangered. I'd replied with "at least it wasn't a person."

Carlisle looked saddened and disappointed.

After the wolf came a coyote, then lynx, then bear. I was a newborn, so they expected me to go for the carnivores. My first kill, though, was an elk. It was horrid.

One of them, thankfully, was always with me when I hunted. Our usual area had started out being miles into the wilderness, somewhere I would definitely not run into a human. The plan was to very slowly bring the range in, testing and defining boundaries as well as creating a resistance to humans. Jasper - the mood-controlling and battle-torn blond male - was usually a part of the group that I went with or came with me. He could send me into an instant knockout mode, if need be. In other words, if I went after a human, he was not only trained with my kind - Carlisle had told me so I'd know who would be teaching or restraining me - but could also make me feel like I wanted to pass out before I even knew I was gonna kill a human.

Animals were definitely more fun than humans, though. They were also frustrating, as I was an easily distracted newborn and when you weren't on a suicide-revenge mission, you took time to smell the flowers. Literally. My favorite flowers had always been orchids because they were so versatile and just gorgeous, but now I went mainly on scent basis.

The citrus-smelling flowers were, to me, the best because they enveloped you in a mist of wonderful aromas.

That was another thing that physical activity brought me; nature and its beauty. A beautiful distraction.

##

The first hunt had been... well, it had been _eventful_.

They all forgave me, thankfully. I was a newborn after all, inexperienced and driven primarily on instinct. I was a lot more coherent than many other newborn vampires throughout the Cullens' experiences, but that corner of my mind kept coming back to haunt me with normal 15-year-old girl sassiness, rebellion, and hormones. I doubted that the latter was actually a factor, but it seemed like it. It was just that, after being cooped up for almost _all of my life_, before and after vampires got to me, I needed to get feelings out. I knew that I owed the Cullens one, but my emotions always got the best of me.

It was the day after the clearing that they had first taken me on a hunting trip.

I was a mess. My nerves had been tried so much in the 48 hours previous to it and I had been sure I was going to die twice within the span of a few hours. I was also confused by why we were hunting animals, why this coven, this _family_, had been Victoria's target, and I was scared of them all at the same time. Jasper surely had no aversion to scaring the crap out of me, and I still feared that they would rip a limb off of me. I had obviously expressed great interest in their Bella, so I thought that they were going to try to use me like _she_ did. I jumped at their sharp tones, winced at their exasperated and frustrated sighs, fearing for the worst.

Luckily, though, they were a lovely group of vampires, aside from Edward; he wasn't mean, just very, very, _very_ protective over his human and when he saw my thoughts, he knew that if I came close to her, I'd probably kill her.

They had all gone over the basics of hunting without killing people, which animals to go for first for the best results, all of that. We went far enough that hikers wouldn't be around and began.

All of them were with me. Alice - Jasper's future-seeing mate - so that we would know what to expect; Carlisle because he was the one who knew me best, physically; Jasper, of course, for the control; Emmett - the large, strong mate of Rosalie - so that we would have an extra restraint (I was basically stronger than all of them thanks to my age, but Emmett scared me a hell of a lot, too); Rosalie - the blonde female who wasn't very kind - because she wouldn't leave Emmett; and Esme - Carlisle's mate who was like the mother - for emotional support and love, encouragement, all that jazz. We planned for the worse, indeed.

Everything had started out fine. They scouted the area for stray humans while Esme stayed with me and told me some of her techniques, favorites, and support. The close proximity made me uncomfortable, to say the least. I knew she meant well, but I was used to _killing my own kind_ just for getting a little competitive or trying to take my kill. My ingrained manners, though, rooted me in place, as well as the fact that they saved my life, and she gave me good advice.

Once all was clear, we headed out.

I had heard the lapping and hooves against the ground and, using what they all told me, followed the sounds of animals. Next came the heartbeat, which really spurred me on, and then the scent. It almost stopped me in my tracks for the shortest of seconds, filling my nostrils and mind alike with disgust of the distinctly animal and wild smell, but instinct drove my body to the hearts. Flying past thick green on either side of me, roots below and branches above, my peripherals taking in everything like an extremely fast camera, I eventually made it to where the object of my desires lay. Obviously, I'd done some rookie mistake and sent them fleeing to safety, but little did they know that I could outrun them as easily as I could skip. In a few short bounds, I was leaping for the jugular and beginning to drain my prey of blood. I still pretty much sucked at staying _super_ clean, but I could still walk around without appearing too gruesome and terrifying.

Then it hit me.

It hit me like a ton of bricks, but infinitely stronger. Not having fed on them for two days, I began to lose it.

They were nearing. Venom pooled into my mouth and before I knew it, I was racing with all I could to the humans.

_Four of them,_ my mind told me, _middle-aged, well-built, traveling southwest._

They were men. They were off-roading or something, that's why I couldn't tell before. They were coming fast, and so was I. My entire body sang with anticipation and excitement. I didn't care if I was dripping in blood or had grown fangs and black wings, _I was going to get them._

My stomach was curling with happiness, my mind clouded and everything blocked out except for that scent.

_Mine, mine, mine, _my mind repeated. _They're so _clean_! _I thought happily. Just like that ferry of healthy humans. _Sweet, drugless blood!_

And all of the sudden, the sky was in front of me, and I had lost control over my extremities. I could feel lethargy pounding into my blood-haze, causing me to fight back weakly. I still fought back, though.

Hisses and growls erupted from me like an angry cat-beast.

_What are they _doing_? Those humans are _mine_! I will _not _let them take them from me, _especially not me_! _my mind screeched. Feral sounds were spewing from my throat for a few moments longer, until they finally calmed me down enough to speak to me.

"Bree." I heard Carlisle address me in a calm, concerned voice. Immediately I felt anger, but tried to force it back to no avail.

"_What?_" I hissed back. I was still frantic on the inside and uncontrollable until something could clear my mind.

"Bree, those were humans, you could ha-"

"I know what they were!" I spat at Carlisle. "That's why I went after them, why I need to get them, because they're _mine_!" I was slightly shocked by my words, for Carlisle didn't mean any harm; he wanted to help.

Jasper spoke up. "She's becoming slightly more calm and logical. Don't loosen your hold on her, Em." His voice was strained, and then I realized my bloodlust was his, too. I was still too mad to care. Yet.

I sighed. "Sorry, Carlisle," I muttered unwillingly. The calm really began to take a hold of me and my lucidity returned in increments. I hissed a tiny bit.

"Don't worry, Bree. It's only your first day, and you're doing pretty well. You didn't even need us to get that elk." He smiled sadly, but I could see some approval in his eyes. "It will get easier over time, don't worry. We're all here for you. Do you think you could be let go and not go after the humans? Remember, they have lives, too. There are people who would have missed and love them. Families, friends..." he trailed off.

I could feel a new spark of anger and an even stronger swell of depression. _My_ friends. _My_ love. Pets, jobs, futures, all lost to me. Well, I might not have had a good future ahead of me, but it would have been better than those three stupid months with Riley. _Diego..._ He was dead, too. His life was long gone, just like Riley's. Because of some pathetic, useless, power-crazed witch of a monster that stole it away in her quest for vengeance. She wasn't a vampire. She was a demon. And now she was dead.

It had only been a second and a half before I answered, "Yeah, I think I'm good to go. I can't really smell the humans anymore." And I see no point to life without my best ninja friend for life by my side. "Jasper, what do you think? I guess I'm committed to this, right? Don't want to screw it up the first day," I grumbled.

"Alice?" he asked.

"Hmmm... She _should_ be fine... if we let her go... now, I think. Yeah, she can be let go," Alice replied.

Emmett, who had been laying on his back with his arms around me like steel girders the entire time, finally eased up the slightest bit and I all but ripped his arms off getting up and away. He smirked evilly at me as if to say "sure, you're a newborn, but these muscles can take it." I picked up a rock nearest to me, the size of two or three dictionaries, and chucked it at him with the ease of it being a tennis ball. Rosalie had zipped over and punched it midair before it hit Emmett in the face. I was _definitely_ not in the mood for any of that right now.

It had all happened so fast that to a human, it would have been a blur of white, blonde, dark blue (Rosalie's clothes), and rock.

Carlisle and Esme scolded us like children and Alice gave me reassuring words, along with Esme after she chided me.

"Bree!" I was knocked out of my memory. The voice, Emmett's, I realized, was coming from the garage; I was on the third floor. He didn't have to yell. Maybe we had company.

I listened for a heartbeat, and belatedly realized that was a horrible idea because it would have brought out the beast in me, but then again came to the conclusion that no humans were here.

I flitted down the stairs as Carlisle began to yell my name again and reached their destination before he finished. "Yeah?" I asked, relaxed and slightly annoyed.

Carlisle gestured to step out of the garage and then I both saw and smelled the two vampires. They weren't known to me at all, but had the same golden eyes as the Cullens. They looked friendly enough, so I followed suit and went to meet them. "Bree, I'd like you to meet Eleazar and Carmen, two close friends of the Cullen family." I could tell that I was nervous and filled with anxiety because newcomers still scared me a little, well, a lot, but I still jerked my hand out in front of me for them to shake.

The male, Eleazar, I presumed (it would be weird if his name was Carmen), laughed and shook his head. "No," he said warmly, "we hug our family."

His words shocked me, but I robotically hugged him. "Aye, mi joven belleza! ¡Mire usted! Eres tan tímido, pero somos amigos," Carmen rattled off in Spanish. She took me in her arms, as well, and I meant to be more polite, but the words "family" and "our" still had me confused. I had only been at this house for a week or so. I wasn't really family, right?

"Oh!" Eleazar exclaimed, like he'd been struck with an idea. He smiled a huge, bright smile. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. _Acceptance, care, pride. _I looked to Jasper and he smiled lightly at me. I returned it as best as I could. I'm sure it was distorted with anxiety, shock, and a hint of sadness. Diego would've loved this. I wondered if Fred was doing okay...

"Carlisle, you'll never _believe_ what this Bree of yours can do!"


	3. Planning and Surprises

**Man, I didn't think this story would be nearly as popular as it already is, but you guys made it happen. For that, I thank you all because you guys, the readers, have made it all worthwhile! You should give me your opinion on how you think the story will go in the reviews you leave. I'd love to know how you all think it'll turn out next chapter, etc. C: I'll try to get a consistent update going on, like once every two or so weeks, but life is pretty crazy right now. Thanks for the motivation! Who owns Twilight? Oh, right, Stephenie Meyer. The rest is mine, yo. You should read The Short Second Life Of Bree Tanner if you haven't already. It'll explain some names and back stories, etc. You can find it on breetanner(dot)com. I'm a happy owner of the book :D**

**Planning and Surprises  
**

Eleazar looked expectantly at Carlisle who simply asked, "What?"

Eleazar laughed again and replied, "Bree. She is highly gifted, this young one, Carlisle."

"Ah, I see. So-"

"Out with it, Eleazar! The suspense is killing me!" Carmen interrupted. I'd been so confused by being an alleged family member so quickly, combined with being so on edge from newcomers and anticipation for this "gift" of mine, that loud, hysteric giggles burst out of my chest from Carmen's excitement. Everyone looked over at me, looking quite confused, and I just waved them off.

"You don't want to know," I murmured, my hand still covering my mouth.

"Anyways," Eleazar continued, with a smile, "she is almost like a shape-shifter, Carlisle! Imagine that, a newborn that you manage to save from the Volturi through some stroke of luck, and she's got _this_ ability!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on." I couldn't believe what I'd just heard. "Did you just, like, call me a _shape-shifter_? And excuse me, if I offend you, but who exactly are you and how would you know if I had any 'gifts' or whatever?" Seriously. This Eleazar guy just walked up and not five minutes after we meet, he started babbling about shape-shifting and gifts and abilities, like I'm not the person he's talking about standing two feet away from him. His words sparked a few memories of talking to Diego about how some vampires had extra abilities, and the fact that Fred definitely had one, as well as pretty much half of the Cullens.

"Uh, Bree," Carlisle began explaining to me, "Eleazar, you see - well, wait, so you know how Jasper can change and feel moods and Alice can see the future?" I nodded. "Well, those are what vampires call _gifts_. They are extra abilities that come with being a vampire, sometimes. Not all of them are mental or physical or either; sometimes it's just a trait." He looked briefly at Esme.

"Yeah, I know what gifts, or whatever you wanna call them, are. Riley, and a few friends of mine, explained them to us. And Eleazar...?" I hinted. I was still yet to know how he tied into it.

"He can sense these gifts. It's quite a power in itself. If you have extra strength, or something like that, and are attacking him, he will know and go for mental strategy." He smiled tentatively, making sure I was getting all of this.

"So, you're just basically saying that I can... shape-shift...? That, uh, that doesn't really -"

Jasper sensed my confusion and interrupted me. "Yes, Bree, we know that it's complex and strange, but it just, sort of, happens. Almost everyone has an extra ability," he finished. I had no idea how I could possibly have anything extra or special about me, seeing as how I'd never been special as a human. Just another troubled, homeless teen, a dreg that could be tossed off, under a rock at the bottom of the sound...

Alice clapped her hands and shot me heavy looks of approval and excitement. "Yay! What else can she do, Eleazar? How does it work? Can she change into anything?" she questioned. I laughed quietly. Here, everyone was getting all excited and I was just confused and a little freaked out. Was it physical? Why couldn't I do something with my mind, like Fred?

"Well, Alice, I'm not sure. Everyone's minds work differently, so there isn't a set rule or instruction to this. Bree, here, has something _really_ special, though. I can feel it." Eleazar once again smiled proudly and Carmen smiled, too. Rosalie looked a little shocked, indifferent, really. Emmett was excited, as well, practically dancing, obviously wanting to see how it worked and how he could play-fight with me. Carlisle was, well, he was Carlisle. Not really excited, not upset or anything, though. There was actually a bit of sadness underlying it all. That was weird. Esme looked like the quintessential soccer-mom: proud, excited, but calm, not wanting to scare or confuse me, I guessed.

"How about we continue this inside?" Carlisle suggested. We all obliged. I was just happy to get to go back to my room or hide out a little; the company was grating on my nerves, sadly. The pair seemed really nice and kind, but my instincts were telling me to get away from so many vampires or else some fighting would go down.

Of course, I could hear their every word with clarity up in my room, but they were slightly subdued from the walls. My room was pretty small, which was actually fine with me because I didn't sleep, preferred nature, anyways, and I had no real belongings with me. Of course, everyone contributed here and there. I couldn't just go naked, and I _was_ 15, so I required some reading material or music. I didn't ask for very much, though; I didn't want them to think I was invading their space or anything. Jasper and Emmett gave me books from their school and, along with Alice, were helping me make up for missing the rest of high school. I'd never really gone to school, didn't see a point and my father didn't care, either. I didn't exactly have a successful future ahead of me, couldn't write a "rags to riches" story or else I'd probably get killed (and I didn't have much skill in literature other than reading), and I had absolutely no money. I'd been terrifyingly close to being one of my own victims, the blonde in the alley or the crying girl, getting slapped by her employer...

Alice, of course, helped me with my wardrobe situation. I had begun to pick up on the quirks of all of the Cullen family members, from Carlisle's wealthy source of knowledge and compassion to Alice's fashion and glamour obsessions. _Hobbies_, she'd called them. I knew better, though. I could sense that she liked, no, absolutely _adored_ fashion, clothes, style, magazines, the whole nine yards. I wasn't ever really into it, but thanked her nonetheless. Even though it weirded me out a bit. I had picked up on the fact that Bella was going to be Alice's human Barbie doll, but since Bella was at her own house a lot more nowadays, and only visited when I was out hunting, Alice took me, instead. I fit some of her clothes, too, since she was about the size of me, even though she was older by a few years. That made her ecstatic, of course. "You'll just _love_ this dress that I have and it'll look so _cute_ on you!" she would squeal. Then clap. I smiled and nodded and tried to crush any hostility rising in me. _Stupid vampire instincts,_ I thought.

Emmett was the joker, the fighter, in the house. He would take any chance he could to mess with me. "C'mon," he'd beg, "Jazz thinks I'm immature and Edward is a cheater. Rosie never wants to get dirtied up and Alice is too girly, Lets fight, newbie."

Then I'd growl at him, mumbling about how I wasn't in thew mood and that he should have tried living like me, _then _he could see if he wanted to fight. He would shut up, then. Usually.

_Crouch, tackle, laugh. _"Seriously, Emmett," I'd say after I threw him down and avoided his "attack." "I don't really like fighting. It brings back bad memories." That was only half true, most of the time. Yeah, I'd remember the ashes that would be in the middle of the basement floor and shudder, but sometimes it didn't bring back the memories. Sometimes, I just was tired of it. He wasn't always so relentless, I mean, Rosalie would give him looks and I'd be placated.

But, sometimes, I'd fight.

I'd get rid of some of the pent up anger and hate I had for Victoria and Riley. The leftover disgust for Raoul and Kevin and Kristie and the blond Spider-Man kid. The fact that my mom left me with my abusive dad at five years old, the fact that I was so stupid as to follow Riley for a simple burger, but Christ, was I hungry. Then there was the fact that I had also been stupid enough to leave Diego behind and nothing_, nobody_, would bring him back. Plus, fighting was just fun sometimes. It was never _real_, just play wrestling, but it was close enough.

I started listening closer to the subdued conversation. I'd been sitting against the far wall, the one that faced out onto the front of the house and had a bay-window. I could hear Carlisle's voice, of course, and then there was Jasper, probably because he was the one who babysat me most of the time, even though he still freaked me out just a little bit. I could also hear Eleazar's, and Alice's; curiosity was laced in her voice every time she spoke. Carmen, Eleazar's mate, I assumed, was sitting there beside him, breathing normally and nodding her head every so often. I could hear the way the fabric of her shirt made a brushing sound when she moved her neck. I could hear the inhale and exhaling of everyone in the house, steady most of the time, but increased if something surprising was said, or was sped up then stopped as they gasped.

"I've only ever seen a few like her, Carlisle," Eleazar said, and by the sound of his voice, I'm sure his eyes were widened and he was leaning forward in excitement, trying to show how important it was that everyone understood what he was saying.

"What exactly is it that she can do?" Alice probed.

"Well, from what I can tell," he replied, unsure and a bit hesitant, "she can change into a number of things, but I'm not sure why or how, really."

"Do you think she knows already?" Jasper asked quietly, barely audible from where I was. I'm sure he didn't want me to think that they doubted me, that they suspected Riley might've already told me and I was just putting up an act of innocence and/or ignorance. But that's exactly what I thought in that second. _How could they?_ I thought in shock and hurt. What could I possibly gain from that? Sure, I knew others could do special stuff before I came here. How could I not? But I didn't plan on using it _against_ them, and even if my so-called ability thing was real and I knew, what use would it be?

"That's what I thought, when Eleazar said it outside and she seemed so shocked." So that explained the sadness. He thought that I was planning on becoming an enemy or something, that I was pretending not to know I was special so that they didn't suspect my plans. Which was all _really_ stupid, because a) I had no plans and b) where or what would I do? I knew they outnumbered me in anything, pretty much. Or was I that strong...?

"But," Carlisle continued, "I don't think she knew. I think she's just as surprised as us."

Whew. The last thing I needed was for my friends to become my enemies. Again.

"So... What you're saying, Eleazar, is that Bree is very rare, and very talented?" Carmen asked.

"Indeed, she probably never expected to have anything like this happen to her, what with the... _situation_ she was in before," Eleazar replied.

"Yeah. I can feel these random bouts of pain she goes through, so intense and deep. I think something might have happened while she was there..." Jasper added.

And that's when I'd had enough.

"Uh, you know I can hear you from my room, right?" I asked, keeping my voice as calm as I could. I said it like they were right there in the room with me. I knew they could hear me.

"Sorry, Bree, didn't realize you were listening," Alice said quietly. There was shame and regret in her voice, but I couldn't blame her. I wanted to know what I could do, too.

"If you'll forgive us for talking about you without considering how you felt," Carlisle added.

"Nah, it's fine. I get it, guys. I'm new and unknown, right? I'd want to know, too," I repeated as I went down to the living room at a pretty average pace.

They all smiled when I got down there, Alice inviting me to come sit beside her. I obliged and sat on the floor, keeping enough space that I wouldn't attack and that I was still polite. I was getting better at being close to them.

"So, uh, Eleazar, um, what did you say I could do?" Oh, God, I was so awkward with new people when I had to address them directly. My voice even began to get higher at the end.

"Well, it's something that you'll have to work on on your own because I obviously don't know the inner workings of your mind, so I can't tell you how it works exactly, but you can turn into things," he said happily. Like it was a good thing that I could do that.

"Oh, that's... cool, I guess. Like animals and stuff, or people?" I asked again.

"I don't _think_ you can turn into another person, but I'd guess animals would be correct." He really was unsure of himself. I guess he didn't want to upset me or anything. Don't want the newborn ravaging our friendly guest.

"That sounds like fun," I said sarcastically. Everybody laughed, but it sounded a little forced and uncomfortable.

"Oh, Bree, did we tell you the plans?" Carlisle asked, sounding like he'd forgotten to tell me something huge.

"Uh... no, I don't think so." I felt a little panicked. What did these plans involve? Were they sending me away? I suppose I could handle that, if I had to...

"Bella and Edward are getting married, and it's going to be here. Her family will be coming soon, and it'll get a little cramped and busy in here. If you wanted, you could help with the planning, or you could visit another clan we know in Alaska?" he said it so it was a question.

"We're currently staying with them, too, _hija_," Carmen chimed in.

"Where in Alaska?" I asked.

"Denali," Eleazar said in a welcoming tone.

So, I went up there, I could be away from humans and still be okay to roam around. I could also look up Fred and see where he was and tell him everything, like I'd wanted to do the moment I really met the Cullens. He deserved to know all of this, everything about vampires. Or, I could stay and help plan a wedding. A _human_ wedding. With lots of human family around and maybe even those werewolves that the family had told me about.

After I asked them about the "howly vampires," they were confused, and when I explained, burst out laughing. That's something else Fred should know; I wouldn't want him running into anything that might kill him, with his red eyes and little knowledge of us.

A wedding might be fun to plan. I'd never been to one or knew anything about planning one, but it might be nice to be involved. Like family.

"Um... Do you think I could just stick around a bit, maybe for some planning, you know, and then when a lot more people start to come, I could run up to Denali? I'd like to experience a little planning, I mean, it sounds like fun, I guess. I also would like to visit Alaska, though, and I have a friend in Canada. Would that be all right?" I questioned. I hoped they would be okay with that plan.

Alice squealed. "I can see it all falling into place. Bree, you're going to love helping out!" She had this huge, enthusiastic and slightly smug grin on her face and was already getting into her excited little thing, bouncing around and making high pitched noises.

"I, uh, guess it's settled, then. Bree, you can stay with us for as long as you feel comfortable during the planning process, and then you can leave for the Alaska clan when you wish. They only drink animal blood, just like us, so you won't have any more temptation there than here. Oh, and we can help you find your friend, if you like." Carlisle smiled warmly at me and I felt that warm fuzziness again. "So what is your friend's name?" he asked.

"Fred," I replied happily, smiling. "He's blond, and he's really nice. He even helped me stay alive, before. He left before the fight because he knew we were pawns and didn't want to die or fight. He invited me to join him because we were mutually hating Riley and had developed a friendship in captivity, ya know? I told him I'd look him up and then we went our separate ways." I left out the Diego part. "I'd like to see him and tell him about this life, about our kind because we were all lied to, I think you guys would really like him." I smiled and felt hope that the future would be better than my past life ever was.


	4. Memories

**Once again, huge thanks to ALL my readers and reviewers, those who add me or this story to their favorites, you guys all rock. I'm gonna be honest, updating will probably be anywhere from a week to 2 weeks, hopefully less because I'm always thinking about dialogues, how which character will react to which event, blah blah blah. Stephenie Meyer owns the good world of Twilight and I own the other stuff. Please, no use without telling me, mkay? And special thanks to the people who PM me and contact me, etc. I like hearing from you guys :). I'll try to make these notes shorter, too. Also, if you haven't, read the short second life of bree tanner, it explains all of these people not mentioned in Twilight through Breaking Dawn. See last chapter for where to find it.  
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**Memories  
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"Well, I think we would, too," Carlisle replied. He smiled warmly at me.

My mind went back to Fred, thinking about how he was dealing with finding out all of the truths about vampires on his own. Was he taking it well? Did it overwhelm him, or did he take it in stride? What did he think happened to me after the fight?

"So, Bree, since you can fit most of my clothes, that means we have the same size, I guess," Alice said wryly.

"Crap," I muttered. Being a live Barbie doll was no one's dream or desire. Being Alice, of course she would take advantage of our similarities. Alice started giggling.

"Come on, it's going to be _fun_, Bree! Planning, bridesmaid's dresses, invitations... Where's your enthusiasm?" she asked playfully. I knew it was rhetorical.

"Up your butt," I muttered so quietly I knew she couldn't hear, then smiled conspiratorially to myself.

"Well," Carlisle began, "Eleazar, you and Carmen can make yourself at home, of course."

"Thank you, Carlisle. It's refreshing to have a large family bustling about the house," Eleazar replied.

"Oh, it's no problem at all. This is practically your second home." Carlisle chuckled quietly. Carmen began laughing quietly to herself and tried to muffle it. Eleazar looked embarrassed, for some reason. Apparently something had happened, I guessed, for them to be all weird about that last comment.

"Um, yes, well, thanks again. We'll be heading up to a guest room, then," Carmen said.

And then they were gone, somewhere in the house. Without thinking, I muttered, "That was weird." Then I felt my eyes widen and my hand fly up to cover my mouth. "Oh, I, uh, I mean- I'm sorry, I didn- God, it's just -" I sputtered before Alice interrupted me.

"It's fine, Bree. Believe me, you don't want to know..." she said, more to herself than me.

"We understand. This is all so new to you, I'm sure," Carlisle added. I felt something growing inside me. _Acceptance._ I looked over to Jasper, who was sitting on the left side of Alice. He smiled tentatively and quickly. I smiled back, but it was still pretty strange.

The room had gone quiet again and you could hear Esme humming from her and Carlisle's bedroom. I had found out that she was a fan of architecture and liked to build houses. I guessed that she was probably drawing up some blueprints or whatever. Rosalie and Emmett had left shortly after Eleazar and Carmen gotten here and we had all moved inside. They had gone to get some parts for a car that Rosalie was working on in the Cullens' vast collection, and keeping up normal society rules, would need Emmett to help her carry some parts. I'd snorted when I heard that. Sometimes I thought that being back in Seattle and being a normal vampire at night would be a lot easier than staying here and trying to be human.

A few seconds later, Carlisle said, "Esme and I think we'll make a visit to Charlie's and see Bella and Edward, since it's not his 'curfew' yet." He smiled and shook his head as he got up from his seat.

"Oh, can you tell Bella that..." Alice started getting into wedding talk, so I stopped listening. Especially since she started talking about Bella.

It amazed me how my thirst was still practically insatiable. Not two weeks ago I had been gorging myself at least every few days with human blood. Now, though, since I was a "vegetarian," I hunted at least every other day. I couldn't really go more than two days without hunting because the scent of Bella was _everywhere._ I mean every single spot in the house had at least an echo of her scent, since the rest of the vampires had been around her enough that their scents mingled with hers. And it drove me insane, around every corner, it hit me like a semi-truck to the face. Okay, that's over dramatizing it, but, for Pete's sake, being only three to four months old, what was I supposed to do about it? Them talking about her only reminded me of seeing her for the first time in the flesh, the thinnest of thin membranes separating me from her sweet, hot, pulsing...

_Crap_, I thought. Thinking like that only made everything worse and then I could feel the fiery blade stabbing down my throat. Newborn tendencies were beginning to stir within me, and I had hunted two days ago, so I was good to leave. It was Tuesday, 10 days after the battle and the encounter with those Volturi. No doubt Jasper could already tell I was thirsty and ready to go, but apparently he was letting me voice my own feelings this time. I wasn't sure whether to be grateful or upset with him.

"Uh... um, does, uh, anyone... you know, wanna go... hunting with me right now?" I said quietly, looking shamefully down at my crossed legs. Being them, they weren't disappointed with me at all for always going. They'd rather have me kill five animals than a single human being. But I still felt embarrassed and like an annoyance because one or two of them always had to come with me. They didn't always hunt, though.

"I'll go," I heard someone say. I groaned internally and it got silent for the span of three human heartbeats. I knew _exactly_ who that someone was and I didn't exactly want to be around him. Even if I didn't know his voice, his scent and Bella's were so often together that it was like a whole entire new smell. Floral and sunshiney, or however they described his. I heard Alice say that's how Bella described it once.

"Thank you, Edward, but you don't need to do that. I'll gladly go with Bree," Esme said. She was the one to break the silence. "I'm guessing we'll be at Bella's by the time they're having dinner, or at least finishing, and since Carlisle went last time and I don't want to seem rude," she smiled slyly, "I can easily say that I'd already had dinner before I came." Everyone smiled and Jasper even chuckled quietly. Probably because, besides me, he was the one with the most feeding issues.

Edward's face had softened a tiny bit, not enough for a regular person to notice, but it was still hard. "No, Esme, I should hunt. Bella commented on the darkness of my eyes and I told her not to worry, but, of course, it's Bella we're talking about." He smiled lightly. "Plus, it would give me a chance to get to know Bree better." I frowned. I didn't hate or even really dislike Edward, but I _did not_ like the idea of him getting inside my head, and since I didn't really plan on talking...

"Don't worry, I'll try to give you as much privacy as possible, given the circumstances." I knew he was addressing me, but I still didn't look up. He could have just as easily been lying to me, too. How could any of them stand living with him, all of their secrets and dreams and wishes and sadness's, all laid out for him to interpret and judge? "That's not really how it works, I don't judge any of them." I shot a glance at him and saw the sincerity and even a hint of regret there. He probably wished he couldn't read his family's minds. I could understand that because who would really ever be comfortable? I guess they just learned to live with it during the passing decades they spent with him. I sighed and stood up, still trying not to look at him, really.

"Okay, Edward, whatever you say... You sure you don't want me to come with? I mean, I don't really have much to work on and I don't want anything to happen..." I wished Esme was my mother. I would have been so happy with her and she sounded legitimately concerned about the well-being of her "son" figure and me, her... guest?

"No, it's really all right, Esme. It's just a quick hunting trip. It's not like we're going to be wrestling or competing..." Everyone gave me wary looks at the last word.

"Jeez, yeah, we'll be fine. You guys can stop worrying, it's not like I'm a total beast anymore. I don't rip up pillows or throw chairs at the walls, even though I can smell Bella, like, _everywhere_." I turned around and headed for the glass wall facing out to the river.

"Carlisle, Esme, you should head out to Bella's so that Charlie isn't asleep when you get there. It might even make him happy to talk to you two while I'm not there. You know, parent stuff." I could hear the smirk in Edward's voice and Carlisle and Esme's laughter when I was still walking out the back door. Edward was quick to follow.

"Bree," he said curtly while we were still walking at a quick pace to the river. I didn't sense any impoliteness about him, just letting me know he acknowledged me or something.

"Edward," I replied in the same tone. "Uh, if you don't mind... could you not, you know, answer stuff you hear in my thoughts? Unless I ask you to, or something, but it just weirds me out and it can get annoying. Like someone breathing down your neck about something, or finishing your sentences for you."

"I'll do my best, but as they say, I'm only human." He grinned at his lame joke and I laughed because that was such a crap excuse.

"All right, whatever." Awkwardness creeped over me again as I thought about how I felt about Edward. I didn't like him like I liked Carlisle or Esme or Alice (mainly because she was so kind and quick to welcome me as a "sister" of sorts), but I didn't hate him like I hated Riley or Victoria. I saw him flinch slightly in my peripherals.

We were well past the river at this point and following old trails to safe zones. He, of course, would have to double-check first.

I started thinking about that day again, the day I met them all. Especially when I thought I was going to die and how _extremely_ thankful I had been that this coven of vampires, ones that didn't know me at all, were going out on a limb for me. To try to save my all but insignificant life with really no gain to them at all. I heard Edward open his mouth and take a breath, like he was going to say something, but thought better of it. I appreciated that. He was listening to my instructions. I also remembered the way I thanked him - in my mind, of course - for killing Riley and Victoria.

_Jane turned her blank face to me now. There was nothing in her eyes, but I could feel that my time had run out. She'd gotten what she needed from me. She didn't know that I'd also given the mind reader everything I could. And protected his coven's secrets, too. I owed him that. He'd punished Riley and Victoria for me._

_I glanced from the corner of my eye and thought, _Thanks.

I could tell Edward was beginning to squirm - metaphorically, of course - because he couldn't answer my thoughts without my permission. "Hey," I said, "let's get some food and then we can talk. I still have some things that I think you should know. About the Volturi, or whatever those cloaked vampires were."

"Okay. Let me check for any humans, just in case," he replied. He sounded a little relieved.

He obviously had no aversions to reading my mind, though. I smiled a little to myself, but it was more because of the ridiculousness of it all. Him, all but strangling himself so that he wouldn't piss me off or something, and I, just freely reliving some of those important memories without really considering him. _Only with vampires,_ I thought.

He was back from scanning the area. "It's good to go," he informed me.

"Let's go bag us some juicy animals," I mumbled sarcastically. He laughed.

After I had successfully taken down some of the average deer that always hung around in the forests and, luckily, some carnivores, I cleaned myself up as best as I could and settled in a treetop, waiting to tell Edward anything else I could about the Volturi's crooked ways. They really were worse than politicians. Not only could their ways affect the practices of a rather large and significant coven here, but an entire species of beings: vampires. They could alter the world over just by flicking some wrists and barking orders to their minions. Hopefully, someday somebody would stand up to them. They'd need back-up, of course, and some pretty strong arsenal of their own. That witch's gaze could fix on you and you would feel fire of such intensity, it would leave you panting and gasping for air. Again, my thoughts strayed to Fred and how he seemed so eager to explore and discover things. I hoped he didn't make a wrong move and end up getting killed. The worst part was that he was probably still in college when he was changed.

_Why was _he _changed?_ I thought. _Did Riley already see his powers before he took him to Victoria? _Fred _had_ to have a family missing him somewhere right now, worried sick over his disappearance. He didn't seem like he would be hanging around in alley-ways, associating with those who go unnoticed. I guessed that he actually was the most successful of us all, the one who had a future, whereas the rest of us would have probably ended up gang members, drug dealers, prostitutes, homeless, just alone in the world, really.

I hadn't even noticed that Edward was parked on a tree branch in the next tree over until he threw a pine cone at me. _Immature_, I thought. I caught instinctively, of course, and threw it back at him. He, like a good sport, let it hit him, but we both knew it didn't hurt.

"Okay..." I said awkwardly. "I still have some things that you should know, obviously, because everybody really got screwed over and it would just be easier to show you - I'm guessing you can see memories and whatever." He nodded. "All right. Tell me what you know and I'll fill in the gaps."

"Likewise," he replied. "I know that the Volturi were lying about not knowing who your creator was, and most likely about how many of you there were; she probably already knew. Also, that they were conspiring against our coven because we are drastically large for our kind and because with our numbers and civility, we can have power. I suppose another reason is our 'territory' is basically the entire Olympic Peninsula and we may run the risk of getting caught, being around humans so much and staying in one place for four or so years at a time." I knew my mouth was practically hanging open, like a moron, so I made sure that it was closed. He would've known the shock anyways. "Oh, and I wanted you to know that, Bree, I don't hate you at all. It's just that... Bella, she's my world. She's my reason for existing and the reason that I would give up my life, just so that she could be safe." I knew that feeling. "I love her, and you... you sort of pose a threat to her. So if it came down to it, I would easily attack you if you tried to attack her." I could tell that he didn't want it to come down to that, could tell that it made him sad to think that Bella was in danger. I could also tell that he wasn't joking around and wouldn't give a second thought to ripping off my head to save hers. Again, I wondered why they didn't just change her.

"I don't want to condemn her, but she wants to stay with me forever, as do I with her, so we have a set date," he replied. To my thoughts. I suppressed a growl.

_"The date is set_," _said the little vampire with the short black hair and the clear voice._

"You're marrying her!" I blurted out. It wasn't really a question, just a statement, like I'd discovered that fact.

He laughed at my shocked expression and aghast tone. "Yes, I am marrying her. I love her, so much so that I'd do this for her and it seems a fair enough trade. She wants to be changed, but I want to be married, so we made this deal." He smiled like he was getting away with something. "Of course, though she's dreading marriage _now_, Alice has seen that she'll love it as much as I do."

"Wait, just hold on. They already told me that you guys are getting married, but I don't think it set in until now. _You_ are _marrying_ a _human?_ How? I mean, it's just so... I don't know... not wrong, but just..."

He chuckled. "We know, but that's the thing about love. 'The course of true love never did run smooth.'" Apparently, he was quoting something.

"I have other things to tell you, but where is that from?"I felt kind of stupid, but maybe he knew where I came from and he would understand.

"A Midsummer Night's Dream by William Shakespeare. It's all right, a lot of people haven't read it before and seeing as how you weren't exactly raised... traditionally..." he trailed off.

"Oh, yeah. I've heard of that book. Does your family own it? And don't worry about offending- well, actually, do worry. My moods aren't really under my control these days." That word, _family_, was surprisingly easy to say. But, really, that's what they were.

"Yes, you could borrow and read it if you like. So you were saying..."

"Oh, yeah. I'll just show you something. It's from before the attack and when we still didn't really know who _she_ was, she being Victoria." I replayed the memory in my mind, looking down at the ground as I did. I started out when we, Diego and I, were on our little "spy mission" and heard the kissing noises from our hiding place and ended when the Volturi floated away. I tried really hard not to let it be known who Diego was or what he meant to me. I didn't want to be vulnerable and I didn't want to have to talk about it. Especially not with Edward.

"Well, that was interesting. I hadn't known just how dirty they were. In case you were wondering, by the way, the Volturi are..." He proceeded to explain them to me, down to why they knew Carlisle and what their abilities were.

"I didn't even know that there were _rulers_ over us," I said.

"Yes, they're seen as royalty, prestigious. They have their guard, their wives, their city, and use their power to the highest advantage. Obviously, they aren't as powerful as they seem or else they wouldn't be intimidated by us."

"True, that," I mumbled. "Hey, did you hear that I have -"

"An extra talent? Yeah, I heard it in Eleazar's thoughts. They're all pretty impressed," he said, in a matter-of-fact tone.

"I'm just confused. I don't get why or what it's for, but maybe if I try..." I trailed off. I was hoping he would know something about it, since he could read minds, but apparently he was just at a loss as me.

"Who's Diego?" he asked out of nowhere. My mind immediately jumped to all of my time with him and around him, from climbing up the alley-wall while idiots Kevin and Spider-Man kid made problems for us to leaving him via the treetops, unknowingly sending him to his death. Suddenly everything was pointless. No Cullens. No Volturi. No hunting. No Fred, no wedding, no Alaska, none of it. All that I could see was my empty existence and all the pain and loneliness that it entailed. My emotions were in control now, and I realized that I was on the ground. Edward was saying something, I think it was "sorry," but I didn't hear it.

I was running away from him. Not at top speed, but fast enough that he wouldn't be able to catch me. But I was on all fours. I wasn't nearly as tall, and nothing looked right from that height. And I couldn't feel the wind against my skin. Was I on the ground? Did I stop? The pain and numbed senses gave way to shock and worry, making it so that I could hear again.

Edward was running after me, but I couldn't think to run away. I needed to know that I wasn't dying or something. I mean, he was the first to ask me directly about Diego and that was the first time I'd ever felt like that. Was it killing me? He started saying, "What are you doing? Can you understand me? Say something, Bree!" He sounded genuinely worried.

I tried to form words, but all I could make were noises like a dog or some canine thing. I began to _really freak out_ because I had no idea what was happening to me and why Edward was just as worried, which made matters worse because he was experienced and him not knowing what was happening meant that I really was not okay.

"Calm down, Bree. Stop howling and just _think_ straight, okay? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked you that, but I didn't know... that _this_ would happen," he finished. To calm myself down, I thought about Denali.

I'd never been out of Washington and seeing Alaska would be nice. The Northern Lights would be amazing, and I would be free to run anywhere I wanted, what with the small population. And suddenly, I was standing. I was still fully-clothed, thank goodness, and could spread my fingers. I had my arms and legs again. I was a vampire again.

"What just happened?" Edward asked.

"I don't know!" I yelled. "I have no idea what happened, I mean, I was just running and then I was on the ground and I couldn't talk. I sounded like a _dog_! What is that?" I practically shrieked.

"Maybe it's your ability...?" he mused. "Maybe, under high emotional stress, you turn into something else. I don't know why you turned into a wolf, though. You're surely not a werewolf." He said the word with disgust. "We'll have to ask Carlisle and Eleazar," he said with finality.

"Uh, well, I like wolves best, to like hunt, so maybe that's what that was... but I really don't know. And the stress was more like _pain_ and I guess... I mean, it's going to sound ridiculous..." Of course, he already knew what I was trying to say.

"Escape?" he said, confused. "You... you were thinking about..."

"How nothing else mattered and I was just gonna be super lonely and sad. Whatever, let's just ask them, like you said. I think I need a nap." He smiled sadly. If only I could ever take one to just get away for a while.

And with that, we were running, full-speed (I was beating him) back to the house, hoping to get some answers. I wanted to ask him one more thing, though. "Yes?" he said.

"Ugh, what did I say about that? Anyways, Edward, I think I'd like to get to know Bella a little bit. I mean, if I'm going to be living with another newborn, or whatever, I might as well know what she's like right?"

"Well, yes, if you would like to talk to her, I see no problem," he said hesitantly.

"Aside from me, you know... So I wanted to talk to her on the phone. Only if she wants to," I added. I didn't mention that having only Alice as a girlfriend wasn't the _greatest_ thing in the world. I _did _enjoy her company, I really did, but why not expand my options? Rosalie wasn't an option, not yet at least, and Esme was like a mom. I didn't feel inclined to be good friends with any of the guys, either, really. That would take time.

"Yeah, I'll ask her about it, Bree. I know how you must feel, like you're not fitting in, maybe?"

"Um, yeah, sort of. Not very many of you can relate to me, or at least, not that I know of." What I really wanted was someone to confide in, someone who I could trust because that was something I'd had, but lost. Then I realized how much I really needed a best friend.

"Well, when you're comfortable, you should try talking to us more. It helps to let things out and you've been through _a lot_, Bree," he said, concern mingling with encouragement. I almost thought he was patronizing me, but bit my tongue. That couldn't work with him, though.

"Thanks, Mr. Therapist. I'll be sure to do that," I replied sarcastically.

"Sorry. But really, it may not seem like it, but you're practically family now. We didn't take a risk with you for nothing, and we really care," he said softly.

"What risk?" I asked, confused. I felt the same old shock come over me at him saying I was family, but I was more interested in what he meant by a "risk."

"Oh, uh," he said, sounding embarrassed, "we'll talk about that later. Look, here we are." He gestured to the river that we were about to jump, implying that the conversation was over. I wouldn't forget about that , though. I could wait until later.


	5. These Patches of Life

**Once again, thanks to ALL of my readers. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, Bree, and all of that jazz, and I own everything else. Sorry for such a long update; my personal computer is broken, so I can only use other peoples'. I am simply amazed at how popular this story has gotten and the number of international visitors is stunning! You're all wonderful :) Please review! In doing so, you'll help make this a better story. I know where the plot is going, but if you're brutally honest, I can improve the quality more. Thank you! Now, on to the chapter :]**

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**These Patches of Life**

We were walking through the back door, the same one we had gone through to go hunting.

Edward still seemed slightly on edge from the whole fiasco we'd just gone through out there and (most likely) from me noticing that he'd mentioned a 'risk.'

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Alice started chirping at Edward and me as soon as we walked into the house. "I didn't see anything, I didn't know... Edward, you shouldn't have said that to her! How could you not have known?" she scolded him. Obviously, she'd been keeping an eye on us and saw how I flipped out - that's putting it lightly - and that Edward was the cause. Not really _him_, necessarily, but his words and what they did to me...

"Uh, Alice?" I asked quietly.

"Yes? Again, I'm so -" she replied worriedly, but I cut her off.

"No, it's fine, not your fault," I sputtered. "I, uh... Did you tell them? I mean, about what happened..." I trailed off.

"No," she said softly, "I thought you might want to, and I didn't want to get it wrong. This is your anatomy we're talking about." She smiled and tried to make it humorous, but I was just worried and confused and hoping someone could give me some answers.

"Okay, thanks," I said tiredly. "Carlisle," I turned to face him, since he was still in the same place as before we left. His face was positively concern, for myself I hoped. A pang of anger- no, hate and desolation hit me then, reminded of my own father, if he could even be called that. "Something happened outside. I think it might have been... my, uh... 'extra ability.'" I felt embarrassed saying it for some reason, like it was a bad thing, something that put me on the outside of the others. Then I remembered that almost half of the vampires around me could do something more than what is supposed to be expected of one of us. "I was just talking with Edward about Victoria and the Volturi and their connection, you know, and then I... I just - I was just sitting there, and he said... something... and I left because it..." I rambled and mumbled, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't talk about this.

Not now. Not with them. They wouldn't understand, and it just hurt _too much_. They were all in- in love, and I lost mine. I didn't even know it, and then he was- I practically began sobbing because of the loneliness and depression that took over, just like when I first found out-

And I was in my room. I knew they would be confused, I knew they would probably be concerned, but I couldn't do it. I almost cared that Edward could hear everything that I couldn't and didn't want to say, but the hurt was too much. I almost wished they'd killed me that day.

"What just happened?" Jasper's alarmed shout broke the silence I hadn't noticed until then. "Edward, what _happened_? I've only ever felt that when-" he suddenly cut himself off, like he realized his words were going in the wrong direction. What did he mean? When _what_? Did they figure it out? I both sincerely hoped they did but prayed like none other that they didn't. I did _not_ want them to play therapist with me, trying to figure me out. I was just a troubled and abused teen from the wrong side of the tracks, used, lied to, and then I lost what I too-late realized was the most important thing to me, forever frozen in this body, in this state of mind.

And then, I _hated_. I hated my parents, for hurting me, for ever having me and putting me in this awful world. I hated Victoria and Riley and took pleasure in the fact that they were burning in Hell, but it was overshadowed by my intense hatred for them ever changing me. Why? Why couldn't they have just killed me? I could have had peace, gotten away from others' rivalries, from tyrants, from burning, from lost love, and I would never deal with 'extra abilities' or thirst or being a monster. That was when I realized I was shaking, from what I wasn't sure.

"Bree?" she asked so softly and gently I feared for a second that I would snap at her and hurt her feelings, which was inexcusable to do to Esme. She was standing near the doorway. "Are you... okay?" I think she knew that wasn't exactly the right word to use, but couldn't find another one to imply her concern. Because no. I obviously was the farthest thing from okay.

I turned my head up and to the side to look at her, being that I was huddled on the floor. I tried to respond, but couldn't form words, just like outside...

If I could have said something, it probably would have been along the lines of "oh" and then some colorful vocabulary words. I looked down. Yep. Paws. I mentally cursed some of the worse words I knew at myself because I was now an animal. And I was too angry and hurt to really register the fact that I _should_ be shocked and worried. I could see that Esme realized then that I hadn't noticed my lack-of-human-body until she came in. "Carlisle? I think you should come in here. Jasper, Edward, you too." She sounded alarmed and worried, but managed not to yell like I probably would have.

They were there in the blink of an eye, Carlisle in front assuming the leader and Esme next to him with Jasper and Edward flanking them. I knew that it wasn't an attack, but my mind quickly processed their battle positions before I even thought about it. I could feel the slight anxiety from my obvious vulnerability and being crowded by them. I could only guess that Edward communicated that to Jasper because then I felt this annoying web of emotions being shoved at me, the biggest one being _calm_. But I couldn't be angry, only relaxed and at ease despite my surroundings and thoughts. Oh, how I wanted to be annoyed and angry. To my surprise, I eventually stopped fighting it and found that it actually helped. A lot.

I was a human again, and more confused than ever. Carlisle's eyes were wider than I would've imagined for him, since he was so calm and collected usually. In fact, they _all_ looked slightly shocked, Jasper second to Carlisle. "I can't believe it," Carlisle murmured.

"So that's what happened," Edward added, mostly to himself. Then Eleazar was behind them in the doorway as well, looking curious and concerned at the same time.

"What?" I blurted out, almost rudely, but mostly self-consciously. "What is _happening_ to me? Carlisle, Eleazar? Somebody?" I pleaded. I was getting aggravated by the way they were looking at me, like I was some sort of _sideshow_.

"Bree," Carlisle began, "I think you may be shape-shifting involuntarily. It seems quite complicated." I could tell that _that_ was an understatement. "Edward, for lack of better communication and not wanting to... well, bother you, explained what happened during the hunt, and with what we've gathered from Jasper, Eleazar, and Edward, as well as my extensive knowledge of vampire biology, it's your gift. Not only that, though, it lets us_ understand_ it." His eyes and the way he moved practically oozed excitement. This was very important, apparently. "You see, it's involuntary because of your emotions. If you experience intense emotions, such as the ones you felt outside and just now, you _change_. I'm not sure if it's only negative or if you could be so happy that it could happen, but in time, we'll know." He smiled reassuringly. "It's even more complex, though, because we don't entirely understand why you've only changed into one animal so far and if that will change. But, like Eleazar has said before, it can be mastered like any other ability.

"We know this primarily because Alice can see you." The confusion manifested on my face, I was sure, so he continued. "Alice can't see the werewolves because their lives are ruled by them changing from one form to another _unpredictably_. And this happens for many, many years, until finally, they control their bodies. But you, she sees. We all believe it's because you _are_ controlling it, you just don't know it."

"So subconsciously?" I broke in.

He smiled proudly at me, happy that I was understanding. "Yes. But because it seems to be unplanned when you're going to consciously or subconsciously decide to change, and what to, she doesn't see it happening until right before it does. But she can see what you're going to be doing tomorrow or next week, you see?" I nodded, barely grasping what he just said, but still getting the gist. "Good. And Alice's visions aren't a perfect science, which means there could very well be more to it, but we haven't found it yet." I wasn't sure how to feel about that 'yet.' "So, in conclusion," Edward and Jasper smirked at his elementary transition, "you're controlling the change, but don't know it, and it happens when you feel very intense emotions, only negative or positive as well, we don't know. _And_ we don't quite understand why you change into a certain animal and if you can change into others."

"All right," I said, feeling mentally exhausted from his speech.

He smiled at me. They broke out of their formation, with Carlisle and Esme leaving to go to Bella's, or to fill anybody in. Then Edward stepped forward and said kindly, "Bree, I think, with all of our help, you can really get this. Not be so... out of control."

"Okay, thanks. That would actually help me, I think." I looked down at the floor and scooted back a bit to get my space. "I guess I technically _am_ in control, but my mind just doesn't really know it," I said wryly.

"Yeah, I suppose you're right. Still, the offer is on the table if you ever want some help from me," he replied with sincerity. _That was strangely nice of him_, I thought. His answering smile was kind and sad. He turned and walked out of the room, to busy himself until he left the house again, I guessed.

I don't think it would ever stop shocking me that he would lay in the same bed as a human _night after night_. _Love conquers all_, I thought sarcastically. Then I thought of something. _Edward, don't let anyone be the wiser, okay? Mum's the word and all of that._ I knew he would get what I meant and not let it show that I was telling him something. _Edward, just... don't tell anyone about... about Diego. Please, it's just - I can't talk about it right now. I'm sure you already know who he is to _me_, _I though slightly angrily. _I'm not ready. Don't tell them about him more than necessary, please? Thank you. For everything._ With that, I ended my personal message to him.

"The, uh, same goes for me, Bree. I'll be willing to help you out with the emotional stuff-" Jasper said, bringing my attention back to the situation at hand. I interrupted him.

"Thanks, Jasper. I'll definitely take both offers, and any others, into consideration if I ever need some help." I smiled as convincingly as I could to show him that, yes, I did appreciate it, but this kindness still was slightly alien to me. Could they take a hint? I'd attacked Emmett on accident (more or less) when he sneak-attack bear-hugged me the first week I was here, only days before. I was so terrified of my own actions and what they would do to me for acting so horribly towards one of them, but being them, they _understood_.

This was definitely going to be an eventful life.

##

It was Friday, three days after the whole hunting incident and Eleazar and Carmen showing up. He had continued to ponder my gift (I'd shockingly grown accustomed to calling it that, as I hadn't quite considered it a _gift_) since that day and had still come up blank, really. I hadn't been anything but human since then, thankfully.

Edward and Bella had made plans with Alice and Esme, the head coordinators, to plan some more this evening. I had agreed to be out of the house because I was in dire need of a hunt. I'd gone one extra day than usual without feeding and my throat was burning for more and more attention with the passing hours lately. I had been helping them, too, the past three days and also trying to strengthen my resistance.

It wasn't working all that well. The night before, I had ripped more than half of the invitations they gave me to put in envelopes. Sure, it wasn't a _ton_, but it still got on Alice's nerves. "Bree," she'd sigh, "you're going to be the death of me, I swear! If you can't control those nimble fingers of yours, I'm going to assign you back to mannequin duty," she'd joked. Of course, I knew that under the surface, she really meant it and I dreaded being her practice doll. She'd just go on and on and _on_ about Paris and Fashion Week and fabrics and colors. If I could sleep, I imagined that would've been when I'd doze off.

Esme had admonished her, "Alice, be nice. She's very good for a newborn in the first half of their first year." She'd smiled fondly at me. I returned it, grateful for her and her willingness to forgive. Even if I was ripping up their hard work. Guilt would usually cloud my mind, making me rip some more. Sighs would ring throughout the room. I would only quietly laugh at Alice's dramatic behavior about it all. We both knew that she could do all of this on her own and finish in record time, no thanks to vampire speed and the multi-tasking beast that was Alice Cullen.

So as I was busying my morning with exploring the house, I came upon Carlisle's office. I didn't really know how I got there because I hadn't been planning on it, but suddenly I _wanted_ to go in there. I actually_ wanted_ to know about Carlisle's life. Where was he from and how old was he? How did he come to be a doctor and a leader of a coven of vampires? What could he tell about, the experiences and things he'd seen? I timidly knocked on the door. Just because I was curious didn't mean I was still getting over my aversion to direct contact.

"Come in," he said. I opened the door and was stunned by what I saw. I felt my jaw drop in awe. Books, oh so many books. I didn't realize his personal library was _literally_ like a library. The paintings were practically _masking_ his walls. The sheer variety and numbers shocked me, too. I couldn't be sure, but I guessed that his office would resemble a museum, artifacts collected from over the years. I heard him chuckle, probably at my dumbfounded expression.

"Impressive," I mumbled appreciatively. "I've never been in here. In fact, I haven't been in lots of the house, not that I was really trying to be nosy." I looked straight at him, showing him that I meant it. If they didn't want me in a certain part of the house, I wouldn't go there. I owed them that.

"No, it's fine. We don't have anything to hide." He smiled and I laughed quietly. Of course _they_ wouldn't have anything to hide. "I just didn't think you'd really want to come in here, since all it is is just books and my collection of art." He sounded like he really thought that was _boring_ to me. "Do you like art?" he asked. I looked around some more, avoiding eye contact.

"Actually... I don't really know. I never really went to school. Not much of a point in it... you know? From what I've heard and seen, art seems to be really great, so maybe I do like it. But I wanna give books a try, definitely... Hey, do you have any Shakespeare?" I remembered Edward telling me about _A Midsummer Night's Dream_.

"Hmmm, I believe I do." And then he was at a bookshelf, pulling a few books off of it and handing them to me. "These are all Shakespeare books that you can borrow from me," he said, smiling encouragingly. "Just try not to rip the pages," I looked down and noticed that the pages were yellowed and slightly curling with age, "and don't lose them, please. That shouldn't be hard, though." He tapped his temple with his index finger. A completely flawless memory _was_ helpful. I was astonished that he just _handed_ me the books to borrow, but more than that, the gesture in itself would've made me tear up, had I been able to cry.

"Thank you! Thank you so much, Carlisle!" I said breathlessly. It wasn't like he just gave me the metaphorical keys to his home, but he might as well have. Nobody, really (except for Diego, but not in the same way), had ever placed trust in me like Carlisle just had, and before I knew it, I was throwing my arms around his midsection. I didn't register what was happening until he gingerly returned the gesture and patted me on the back in the way that only parents know. Part of my brain immediately threw red flags at me to stop, get away, but there was a larger part that was just reveling in the feeling of _family_ for once, something I'd never really experienced. A few seconds later I dropped my arms and immediately felt embarrassed. I lowered my eyes and head and mumbled an apology under my breath and stepped back a few steps.

I was turning to leave and bolt out of there as fast as I possibly could when Carlisle said, "Bree."

I looked up at him and replied quietly, "Yeah?" with knots forming in my stomach. Would he be angry at me? Would he take the books back, or, even worse, make me leave?

"You're welcome. Always." He said it with such emotion I was sure there was some hidden meaning under it, like _You're our family now_ or _You will always be welcome in this house_, something along those lines.

I cradled the books to my chest and walked out of the office and then _sprinted_ to my room. I placed them in the closet, on the top shelf near my worldly possessions - the clothes I'd worn from my first day in this second life until the first day in the Cullen house. It was nearing 11, and it was a rare sunny day, so I decided to go for a run. I also wanted to take advantage of the opportunity to see my skin shimmer; it was a secret of mine that I enjoyed the way it threw rainbows around me and made me feel like - like I was _shining_, and I was more than just some teenage bum that nobody missed, that I could have been great, could have had a future. It was ridiculous, but I didn't tell anyone, so I didn't worry about one of them judging me.

I told Alice what I was doing - even though I was sure she already knew - so that I would know if there would be any humans (no, thankfully), and then snuck out the back door. Once I took my first step - barefooted - outside, there was light. I paused, closed my eyes, and ran.

I opened my eyes once I knew I would need to jump the river and kept them open, taking in the sights and feeling the power surge through me, knowing that I could run like this forever, had I wanted to. The forest floor was spotty with patches of sunlight escaping through the trees and shadows surrounding them. The deep, lovely emerald green enveloped me, sprinkled with other colors of small flowers and insects and the background music of heartbeats, some the size of a pin head and some the size of a football. The wildlife was out, enjoying the sun and the birds were making their friendly bird sounds all throughout the forest. I inhaled through my nose and the scent was many things, but I knew it to be _life_.

The patches of sun were making me look like a disco ball probably, catching my skin and lighting up and then going back again and again, all over my body. I grinned and giggled, much to my surprise, remembering those days when Diego and I had first discovered that the sunlight didn't burn us, only lit us up and made us sparkle like diamonds. It didn't hurt so much, this happy memory in this happy environment, knowing that Diego was not having to endure the pains of the world, if not in peace completely.

That was something that never really occurred to me until then; whether or not vampires can go to heaven. I had never been religious, thinking that there couldn't be a God in a world where the innocent and the young were abused, but then I met Diego. And after that I met the Cullens. If there was love, and there were those like Carlisle and Esme Cullen, then there must be a God. Yet, it was definitely a debatable topic.

Vampires can't help but kill. Everything kills to survive. Herbivores kill plants, and that is their sustainability. Carnivores kill animals, and sometimes people, which are _their_ sustainability. Omnivores do both. So why wouldn't vampires get to go to an eternal resting place, especially vampires who were told nothing about other lifestyle choices except that of killing people? Animals technically should have all the same rights as a person, right? They think and they experience fear and anger and sometimes love, just like people. Some people never even have love! So why should people go to heaven if they kill animals of all shapes and sizes? Why would a dog go to heaven if it kills bunnies and other small creatures? The same would probably apply to vampires, too, because if there was a God, one that can do no wrong and make no mistakes, one that does everything for a reason, then us vampires had all the same rights as humans and animals. So, yes, I decided; Diego was probably at peace. He was smart and kind enough to befriend me, somebody he didn't know at all and had no reason to trust with his secrets, so he couldn't have been a bad person, or at least not enough to condemn him to Hell.

I mulled over all of this in dizzying record time and before I knew it, I'd reached a small, empty meadow. It was really just a clearing of some trees, on purpose or accident, I wasn't sure. It was roughly the same size as a large playground, or at least the ones I'd seen before. I stilled and listened quietly for any human activity nearby... Nothing out of the ordinary, so I stepped out into the sun-filled clearing and smiled. Immediately, there were rainbows decorating the trees, like a crystal dissecting the light and creating these beautiful spectrums of color. It was like wherever my skin showed - because I was wearing simple capri jeans and an elbow-length shirt - my feet, my calves, my arms, my face, there was glowing that could almost compare to the sun. It was awe inspiring to me nowadays, now that I could really appreciate it and not worry about getting killed or losing a body part.

I simply wandered around the small-ish clearing's edges and then went to the middle, where the sun would shine on me the longest, and lied there.

##

Time lost its meaning as I thought about almost anything and everything. I thought about yellow eyes. I thought about how, in about eight months' time, I would lose this constant fixation on humans and would, possibly, be able to be around humans again without slipping up. I hadn't so far, and didn't want to ruin that record. _I especially want to prove Jasper wrong, though, _I thought, smiling smugly for the span of a heartbeat. I thought about how my eyes would be golden, honey, amber, maybe even brown sometimes, and always black in the end. I thought about how I would be in eight months. Where would I be, still in Forks, or in Canada, or Denali? Would I still be on animal blood, or would I eventually snap and leave, escaping the shame, anger, _disappointment_...? I shook my head, trying to dispel that thought. No, I would be good. I wouldn't hurt anybody else, ruin anybody else' life. I thought about other, more or less, trivial things about the stepping stone of my first year. All too soon, though, I came to harder topics.

My past. It hurt. It was _definitely_ painful, and I didn't want to, but I knew I needed to think about it. It probably would have helped to talk to someone about it, too, but like I told Edward, I just was not ready. What terrified me even more than that was the fact that maybe I would never be ready. And forever is a long time to drown in pain. A thought that had haunted the darkest recesses of my mind since realizing Diego's fate was, would I ever find peace? Would I ever find another? I didn't want to betray my feelings for him, and I didn't want to-

I didn't want to hurt him.

_But Diego isn't here anymore_, my mind supplied simply, with no regard for me as I rolled on my side in a loose fetal position and let out a quick yelp of pain. Yes, I knew he was no longer there. But if I was correct in my assumptions at his fate so far, then I knew he could look down on me and see me, see me leaving his memory behind and replacing him with another. I knew in my heart, though, that nothing is ever that simple, especially not... love. Yes, that was what I felt for him. Love. It seemed so simple, yet there were so many underlying feelings, emotions, actions that defined it in each beloved's own way. It could be said that he showed some form of love by giving us our own personal club and handshake. My body trembled with tears that would never fall, but my small smile and half-sob-half-laugh proved that I was at least happy I would never really forget him.

But what if I did find someone else? If Diego felt even half of what I felt, wouldn't he want me to be happy? Wouldn't he want me to not be miserable? My mind said yes, that was the logical answer, but my stupid, betraying and doubtful heart didn't know for sure. But why, if he did feel that way, would he want me to be unhappy? I would always want him to be happy; that was what I had wanted since I knew he was no longer with me. And if he didn't feel that way... then he wouldn't care. I didn't want to accept that he didn't care about me _at all_, but if that was the case, then at least I could have a chance at escaping loneliness once again.

The sun was now farther to the west than the east, signaling that it was well past noon. The part of my mind - a large part, I might add - that notified me of the burn in my throat was getting harder to ignore. It was like scraping your knee or spraining your ankle: you can't ignore it at first, but once you get your medicine, it fades away for a while. Once the medicine wears off, you have to do it again. Except that with vampires, everything is intensified, so saying that it was hard to ignore at that point was an understatement. I almost entertained the thought of just going by myself, right then and there, but knew better than to trust my too-young instincts. I got up, brushed off, and began my run back home, recovering my mind to be ready to face chipper Alice and enjoying the scenery once again. I decided to keep that little clearing as much of a secret as possible, a place to think and relax, maybe.

I walked into the house and they were, thankfully, already waiting. "Bree," Jasper greeted me, with a nod.

"Hey Jasper," I replied, more nonchalant. He could be so tense sometimes.

"Bree, you almost had me worried for a second there," Alice said playfully.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I knew better, though, which is what really matters, right?" I raised my eyebrows and set my face so it would look inquisitive and confident at the same time.

She laughed at my expression and Jasper smiled. She replied, "Very good, Bree. That matters, too." Then she gave me a meaningful look and mouthed the words, "I'll keep it a secret," so that Jasper wouldn't know. I would have to thank her later. She smiled softly, but the emotion in her eyes was so intense that I had to look away.

"So where's everybody else?" I asked.

"Esme is in her study, working on something... and Edward is talking with Carlisle about... wedding things." She giggled and Jasper shot her a look that meant business. I didn't bother to ask or think about what _that _meant. "Rosalie is working on a car with Emmett as her helper. And we are off to hunt! Oh, and Bella is coming over later, so..." I nodded, showing her that I knew and had plans to keep myself busy.

"Shall we?" Jasper asked.

"Yes," I said fervently as we started out into the backyard. "I'm hoping to stumble upon some carnivores." It was still sunny out, so we all were lit up and sparkling. I wasn't alone, so I hid my small spark of enjoyment behind unrelenting thirst-burn to keep Jasper out of the know.

"Is it that bad still?" Jasper replied, sounding genuinely concerned about me.

"Yeah, how much longer - besides the big year mark - until it eases up? Will it be this painful for eight more months?" I replied anxiously. I also felt slightly dizzy because it had already been _four months_. Yet it seemed like _years_ since that awful, dark, _painful_ night... And there was the entirety of forever awaiting me and I could barely handle four months. _How am I supposed to live, or whatever this existence is, forever in this state of mind?_ I thought.

Jasper's voice brought me back to the present. "It all depends, but since you're off human blood and were only around it for about three months, it should wane slightly faster than it would for normal newborns. Your eyes are already lightening up." His tone was optimistic, so I guessed I would just have to hope for the best, but plan for the worst.

"Ready?" Alice breathed excitedly, her hand twined with Jasper's as we began to near my hunting area. I shied away from even that small show of affection. Whenever Carlisle and Esme embraced, Jasper and Alice stared into each others eyes, or Rosalie and Emmett passionately kissed, I did my best not to show how I envied their easy and happy lives and tried, but often failed, to suppress a wince.

"Yeah," I muttered, running slightly ahead of them.

Once we got to the safe area and there were definitely no humans around, we hunted. Jasper and Alice unlocked hands of course, and I went my usual way. I got lucky and found some stray meat-eaters and, just to be safe since there was going to be a human in the house soon, took down a few large male deer. Once I was quite full (and feeling sort of lethargic, sloshy, even), we headed back to the house. We had been gone just over an hour, considering I took some running breaks and tried to find any wolves I could, hoping to satiate my thirst some more. I knew next to nothing about hibernation and migratory (blah, blah, blah) patterns in animals.

Alice had decided to run with me on the way back, and I hardly minded it because we had just fed. I even felt a tiny smile creep onto my lips as she chattered about Bella's lacey dress and the "glorious up and coming designer," flowers and gossamer, a glowing dance floor, and other things that pertained to the wedding. I felt a small, quiet echo of jealousy and sadness and realized that it was because it all sounded _wonderful_, but I would never get to have that experience. I wouldn't even be able to _attend_ the event because of this damned body and all that it entails. I can't even talk to a human in person for another eight months without killing them! There was frustration building up, slowly but surely, and I pushed it back, paying attention to Alice. I didn't need to go to the wedding; Alice described it in fine detail, ensuring that it would be lovely and lavish, charming but not overwhelming. I told her to promise me to take pictures and she, unsurprisingly but still boldly, pecked me on the cheek. I couldn't believe that only days before, I hadn't wanted to involve myself in a wedding.

We had slowed down before reaching the river, so when we were only a couple hundred yards from the glass back wall, we all froze. I was practically trembling from vast fear, shock, and _thirst_. Bella was in the house and I was only so far from her _delicious_ blood, her wet, hot, loud heart calling out to me to just _bite_.

Alice's arm, which had snaked its way around mine on the way back, was suddenly gone. I was on the ground, and my mind supplied a simple but shocking fact: I had changed. I was an animal, once again, and I felt as if I could faint or go unconscious from the overwhelming thoughts and feelings in my head. I was terrified, I was burning from just the sound of her heartbeat, and I was surprised by many things, but most of all by the fact that I could still feel the burning thirst in another form. My throat ached to just-

_NO, I would NOT do this. No, I would and- yes, yes, she's mine. Wait! No, nonononoNO!_

I whipped my head over to look at Alice and Jasper for less than half of a second and if I could have cried, I probably would have then and there. Alice was distant, but a look of horror was blooming on her face and Jasper looked _livid_ to the point that I was automatically reminded of him in the clearing, telling me to close my eyes and he covered my ears, scaring me into obedience. The fact that they didn't seem to care enough to stop me from doing something I would eventually regret, it hurt. But my throat hurt worse.

I was sprinting to the door, on all fours of course, and crashed through the glass door. Something told me that was very bad, but I pushed it aside. Nearly a whole second later, I was pinned at the foot of the stairs by Jasper and Emmett. I couldn't believe how strong I still was as an animal. Did I keep all of my qualities? Could I still hunt this way? What did I even look like? Growls reverberated through my chest, and ear-splitting howls filled the house, echoing off of the walls from top to bottom floor. There was snapping, snapping from teeth. I could hear scraping, like metal silverware on a ceramic plate, and the sounds of clothes getting shredded.

_Tha-thump, tha-thump, thathump, thathump, thathumpthathumpthathump_. Her heartbeat rang in my ears, increasing with time. She probably heard me or sensed that there was danger. Her survival instincts should at least protect her from the likes of me, right? I knew her exact location in the house. Alice's bedroom. Venom was filling my mouth, making my howls slightly garbled. My throat was burning with a white-hot fury. My ridiculous brain had been keeping time and I knew that it had only been shy of 30 seconds since I'd been pummeled to the ground. Then I realized that I was almost thinking straight, but also consumed with blood lust. I could make observations on things around me, but still felt the need to get to the object of my desire. This made me calm down some, plus Jasper was shoving peace, calm, and all other relaxing feelings he could at me, so much so that sleep seemed almost plausible.

I could hear them starting to talk again, Alice muttering something about wasted clothing, Esme comforting the human with relaxing _shhh_'s and _don't worry_ repeated over and over, Jasper sighing about every 10 seconds, Rosalie pacing - I could imagine the look of disgust and anger on her face - and Carlisle hissing into his phone, to Edward I assumed. It could only be him, otherwise, he would've stopped me from even coming _near_ the house, much less in it. There was also the human's frantic heart and mumbled apologies. I assumed that Eleazar and Carmen were out, or they had left and I didn't notice.

I began trying to ignore the thirst and focus on the emotional symphony Jasper was conducting, which was actually _magnified_ with touch. I also tried to see the things that were alarmingly clear to me now about my gift. Such as why this didn't happen before my actual first intake of animal blood. I didn't know why or how I knew, but I figured that when I had first resisted human blood and was pinned to the ground, I had stayed human because that's all my body knew: human blood. Thereafter, I had been in no highly emotional circumstances. Until Edward mentioned Diego, which caused me to flee due to the intense need to escape the pain. I turned into an animal, specifically a wolf. The reason for a wolf was unclear to me. But my body knew something other than human. It knew animal and animal blood.

I couldn't be sure, but the reason I even have a gift could have stemmed from my previous life. I always wanted to be free, to be happy, to escape or hide from the man who hurt me and from the place that was my own personal Hell. I couldn't then, of course; I was only a human. But maybe, just maybe... that need to escape or hide or _both_ was carried on with me, and it gave me the ability to change forms. How didn't I see it before...? _The reason I can turn into a wolf, or whatever else, is because, as a human, I'd always felt the need to hide, or just get away, so now as a vampire, I can change to hide myself or escape situations that make my mind go wild_, I summarized in my head. Eleazar had said that it could be controlled with practice, so if I could gain control over it, then I could probably become whatever my body _knew_ whenever I wanted.

I realized that Jasper had quieted and not sighed, since it had been 10 seconds, and everyone else - except the human and Esme - were silent, aside from the breathing.

"Bree?" Emmett asked tentatively. I tried to lift up my hand, but they wouldn't release me. I was still squirming, and even if I knew it was the right choice, I still wanted to be out of their hold.

I gave talking a try. "Yes?" I smiled slightly despite myself and the situation; I was human again.

The fire in my throat still ripped at me, full power, but I could think _around_ it for the moment. I also locked down my breathing as much as possible.

"Ugh, stupid little girl," Rosalie spat. She was outside in an instant. I immediately wanted to just be gone, to get away from her judgment and coldness and the bitter aftertaste that her resentment left in atmosphere. I also didn't appreciate how she managed to get me angry after calming myself down.

"Don't mind her, she's just overreacting," Emmett said, trying to wave off her comment as nothing.

"No, I'm sorry, I should've known better and... I'm just... I'm _so _sorry. Please, if you- never mind, just please get me out of here so I don't kill her," I said, hoping they'd do that one thing for me. I wouldn't be surprised if they forbid me from ever coming here again. I almost killed their human, Edward's mate, their Bella. I felt that familiar terror creeping over me again, sending waves of anger and fear through me because of their hold on me. If they wanted, they had the power to kill me, right then and there...

"Bree," Jasper said firmly, sending a pang of cold down my spine and into the bottom of my stomach. I yelped quietly in response. "Bree, _stop_. We're not going to hurt you. You are all right. You are safe." His lies were hardly comforting, but I just nodded my head and locked down all of my muscles, waiting for punishment.

"Bree, do you really think that after all we've done for you that we would do something to _hurt_ you?" Alice asked with concern. I closed my eyes and nodded, and for the first time, expected to change at any given moment.

"It only seems fair," I whispered. I could suddenly tell that Jasper was trying to communicate more webs of emotion to me, the same that he had a few times before. Forgiveness, acceptance, care, and more that seemed warm and welcoming, but foreign at the same time.

"That is not how we do things and we really are sorry that you had to go through that," Jasper said solemnly. I opened my eyes and saw the sincerity in his, so I just nodded again, not knowing what to say.

"It's true, Bree. We wouldn't hurt you like that," Emmett added. Since he didn't seem to be the serious type, I looked over and saw that he, too, meant what he said.

"If you don't want to hurt me, can you at least get me some fresh air?" I asked quietly. Alice laughed and both of the guys smiled.

"C'mon, boys, let's get this show on the road," Alice said, with a smile in her voice. They picked me up and ran me outside, past the river, just to be safe. Alice was right behind them. I had seen and heard the broken glass on the floor, the shattered door and had felt a swell of guilt wash over me, slumping into Jasper and Emmett's hold on me and wished that I could curl into myself and disappear. I didn't deserve this kindness.

Once I gathered up the courage to say something else, I said, "Thanks, really. It means a lot to me." I looked down and noticed a few spots of blood on my shirt near the collar. "You didn't have to welcome me in or even vouch for me, but you did. I'll be thanking you for the rest of my... existence," I added. They'd set me down and looked up. Alice was right there, about to burst with emotion. I could tell what she wanted. "Sure, Alice. Go ahead." She squealed and her arms wrapped around me in less than a second.

"Bree, you have so much potential," she whispered. "I can see that we'll be great friends." She sounded very sure of herself, so I trusted her words and gingerly returned the hug.

"I can't wait," I whispered back, actually excited. I could tell that, somehow, we really _were_ going to be great friends.

##

Emmett had gone to talk to Rosalie and Alice, along with Jasper, had decided to wait with me outside until Bella left. I told her to go, that Bella was here for Esme _and_ her, but she said that they would be seeing a lot of each other, so it was no problem. Alice explained that she hadn't seen Bella and Edward coming over sooner because they made a spontaneous decision, having something to do with Bella and her father. She also didn't see me because I was torn on the decision, but saw Bella either dead, changing, or alive, but the latter was a slim to none chance. She said we got lucky.

"Alice?" I asked after a bit of chatting.

"Yes, I'll definitely pass on the message." She smiled at me.

"Thank you, Alice," I replied.

"What did I miss?" Jasper asked, sitting beside Alice on the forest floor.

"Oh, Bree just wanted to know if I would pass on her apologies to Bella, since she really has no ill will toward her."

"You're _such_ a psychic," I said playfully.

Alice laughed. "Well, you're _such_ an animal," she replied.

I started laughing loudly, really _laughing_ for the first time. Alice joined in and I saw Jasper smile warmly out of the corner of my eye. "_What_ever. Hey, you guys never told me what was happening before I came into the picture. Where did Edward and Bella's relationship come from? How did you guys meet? How old are you?" I fired off all of these questions without really thinking, but they didn't mind.

"How about we just start at the beginning?" Alice suggested. She spent the next few hours retelling the story of every Cullen and all of the events from Carlisle changing to the battle and then some. She told me about other covens, about nomads, and everything in between. Jasper talked about the Southern Vampire Wars and added things here and there. They knew _so _much, it was like a history lesson in itself. By the time they finished, I could go back inside.

"That was amazing, you guys. I didn't know that so few people could know _so_ much! You'll have to tell me more sometime," I said while we walked in the back door. Someone had cleaned up the broken glass, but the door was gone. I wondered if they had a replacement for situations like this.

"Sure thing, Bree. You want to go take a relaxing shower, huh?" She gestured toward my clothes and hair with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah, that seems like a good idea. I haven't had one since I last hunted and, well, after today..." I trailed off. "Hey, again, can you tell everyone I'm sorry? _Really_ sorry. I would, but I want to run and get in the shower before Edward gets back." My hand flew up to my mouth because, once more, I spoke something without thinking.

Jasper just smiled sadly. "No worries, he won't... do something _irrational_. He knows better and can understand what you went through - and go through whenever you're around humans at this point. The only thing that really matters is that no one was hurt and everybody is safe." He looked like he was about to pat me on the back or something, but quickly thought badly of it.

"Thanks. For everything, all of you. It means the world to me." I looked into both of their eyes and tried to show them how I honestly and sincerely meant it. Before either of them could respond, though, I flitted up the stairs to the nearest bathroom.

##

After my nearly hour-long shower, I slipped on one of the robes they had stocked the linen closets in every bathroom with and dashed to my room. I made sure to bring my clothes with me, not wanting any of them to have to deal with them, and, since I was there rent-free, I did my own laundry. It was no problem for me, just one of the things I picked up from those around me and from laundromats in Seattle.

Once I was dressed in a loose tank top and some jeans, I sat cross-legged on the floor in the middle of my bedroom, facing the window. I looked around, thinking of how long I'd be here and the possibilities that the room had. The whole room was carpeted with white, like the main parts of the house, and the walls were an off-white color. There was a cream colored couch on the left side of the room, which was a type of material that resembled suede, and next to it was a dark side-table that held a magazine or two at the moment and some thin paperback books. On the other side of the room, where the closet was, on the floor there was the Bose radio that they had given me after I told them that I liked music and requested some listening material. I had a small stack of CD's next to it as well as some headphones. I had a lamp on the other side of the couch - which was unnecessary thanks to my "night vision," but still appreciated - that was modern and chic. There was a desk and office chair opposite to the couch supplied with stationary, writing utensils, and a sketch book. Against the wall I wasn't facing was an antique-looking dark vanity table and bench, along with an ornate gilded mirror hanging above it. The boys had thought of moving that in my room for me from another room, which had made me snicker. There was some makeup in the drawers already and a variety of old fashioned perfume bottles resting atop it, some empty, some full. I'd practically had a stroke - metaphorically, of course - when they told me how much the furniture, in total, had cost.

I thought about different colors that I could paint the wall, since after the first week I was here, Esme had told me that the room was now my own and I could do with it what I wished and they would help. I really liked the color orange, especially the shade of it that you saw during a sunrise or sunset. It was a color that I rarely saw in my neighborhood, or at least not the pretty orange; you only saw faded, dirtied, and dreary colors. Maybe I would do some orange accents with rich yellow, maybe even red, too, and a few hints of light and dark blue or purple. All of those colors were what made up sunrises and sunsets.

I got up and moved over to the couch, lying down, and let my thoughts roam to Fred. It had been two weeks since I last saw him and thought, again, about how he was and how soon I would see him again. Was he still in Canada? Did he meet other nomads yet? What was he doing with his lot? The anticipation to share my new life with him hadn't dimmed at all. Fred and I, though, we were only friends. I enjoyed the fact that he cared about me, even the slightest bit, when no one else had to and that he trusted me.

I thought about trying to control my talent, too. About what it would take. Apparently, I was subconsciously controlling it, but that wasn't exactly helping me. I thought that maybe if I imagined it as a tangible thing, something that I could grasp, maybe I would get the hang of it. I imagined my body, all the cells in my body, moving. It made an odd sensation spread through me, and what was stranger was that it was almost _ticklish_. I closed my eyes to concentrate better and imagined those cells moving, rearranging, and the end result me, being an animal. I thought about something small, a fox, and attempted to imagine myself as one. It was weird, no doubt about that, and I didn't plan on ever telling anyone about this. It was embarrassing, but since I was trying to control it and it was a personal goal of mine, I did it anyways. I still had that tickley feeling in me, but felt myself moving. I snapped my eyes open instinctively and thought I saw my hands beginning to change into something else, but before I could do a double take, they were only hands. I sighed.

No matter how long it was going to take, I was determined to master this.

* * *

**Okay, so I had to assume some pretty big things about vampires since Stephenie Meyer didn't exactly provide us with a book on vampire anatomy and biology ;). I think I got it right, as far as reasoning, but I'm sorry if you disagree or think it's just _utterly_ ridiculous at some parts. I'm doing my best with what I've got. I'm going to add a link to Bree's vanity mirror and table, since they're what I enjoyed adding most to her room, on my profile. I just found the "Twilight Timeline" on thetwilightlexicon(dot)com, which is a fantastic resource for any information you have on the series and movies, by the way, and I may have had to fudge a bit on the dates or days of the week. It's mostly just to show the progression of time and how much closer to BD we're getting, etc. I changed a few things in previous chapters, nothing big, so no worries, because I may have been getting ahead of myself. Feel free to ask any questions you have about the story, since this chapter is pretty crazy, via PMs or reviews or whatever. Thanks again for reading!**


	6. The Ties that Bind

**Apologies for the extensive time between updates. Huge thanks to all you readers who don't give up on this story and leave me reviews. You're all wonderful. A special thanks to the beta for this story, EverlastingMuse, who gave me some great suggestions. I have another fanfic I'm doing for Shiver, so all you Grace and Sam people can head on over to that story, as well. I'm gonna start adding the songs I listen to at the end of chapters just 'cause I can [: **

I lied there, just relaxing and soaking up the privacy. Or as much of it as I could have, when everyone within the house, or remotely near it, could hear me.

It was nearing dusk outside, crickets filling the air. I listened to the peacefulness of the evening, trying to just hold on to it, dreading the moment when somebody - it didn't matter who - would come up to my room and talk to me. I didn't to have a serious talk with any of them right now. I know what I did, I apologized, and still would, if need be, and wanted to get past what happened earlier that afternoon. I was tired and wasn't entirely sure I wanted either their understanding, "Bree, you don't need to feel guilty. It could have been much worse and you didn't do anything wrong." Smiles and sympathy - or their anger and/or rejection - "Bree, we can't believe you. We want you out. We don't care where you go or what becomes of you, just get out of here." Frowns, disappointment, anger, disgust... Me lashing out at that wouldn't help anything or anyone.

I thought about trying to change again, practicing or whatever, but didn't feel up to it. Instead, I tried to imagine running all the way up to Alaska. Denali, Alaska, to be specific. How far was that from here? Five hundred miles? One thousand? I never got any real geography lessons, and the Cullens were yet to reach that subject, as Alice, Emmett, and Jasper were still teaching me. We were focusing on one subject at a time, trying to just keep things slow and in check. The first week, of course, I had been a bit of a rebel, sulking and rejecting the absurdity of animal blood. They managed to remedy that, though. In the last week, I ha only learned a few bits and pieces of math. I didn't ever learn much before, and what little I did know was just basic multiplication, division, addition and subtraction. I needed to find out sales tax, after all.

Alaska seemed quite welcoming, though. Only three, maybe five - if Carmen and Eleazar were there - vampires would be with me _total_. I was going to be dealing with personal space issues for a while, much to the dismay of the family-oriented Cullens, so a house with more space sounded like just what I needed. I would have the entirety of Alaska to roam, plus larger prey, and no mind readers. Maybe even Fred could come up with me. That wouldn't be so bad. If he wanted space, he could obtain easier than anyone, so he probably wouldn't have any issues. I tried to visualize these Denali vampires. Nobody had really told me what they looked like, except that they were very old vampires, older than Carlisle. _Would they look any different?_ I wondered. What did old vampires look like? If the Volturi were as old as they claimed to be, as well as that Jane - I flinched internally - then I assumed nothing happens when you're a vampire and a few thousand years old. She hadn't looked weaker than any of the other vampires and had no large differences to her red eyes or dark hair, no fading or anything. That gave me a superficial glimmer of hope. _At least I will retain my youth for the rest of time. Or until I die_. A pool of fear gathered in my stomach; when would I die? Would the Volturi come after me, just because they could? They had supposedly broken or bent their rules 'for me.' Would they change their minds?

My thoughts stopped in their tracks as I heard whisper-quiet footsteps on the stairs. I felt my stomach start knotting itself up and a wave of nausea crashed over me. Could vampires even _be_ nauseous? If I were human, I probably would have been sick then and there. It was disconcerting to not feel my heart race or a cold sweat break out across my head, neck, and palms. I put on my best poker face, which was probably really transparent and distorted, and waited for my impending doom to reach my door and knock.

The seconds dragged on, whoever coming upstairs going at a torturous, slow, human pace. The visitor was taking their sweet time, as if they were measuring each step, and it was driving me crazy. The footsteps could have been from anyone, but I suspected Alice or Carlisle or Esme to be the ambassador. Annoyance started building up in me, the flames of it being stoked with each passing second. I almost forgot my anxiety. I hadn't expected my fear to be dragged out so long, even if it was only a minute or two. I'd gotten so used to instant gratification...

The knock reverberated through the room, even though it was soft, and maybe even timid. I hesitated to say anything, wondering if I could say "no," or "don't come in." Since it was their house and their right to do whatever they wnted with me, I simply said, "Come in," shyly.

I never expected to see _her_, of all people come through the door. As the door slowly opened up, her long, lean legs were the first thing visible, and then her hair, which was unmistakable, since she was the only blonde here. Any of my prior feelings were replaced with confusion, terror, and mild anger. Mostly confusion, though. I knew I could easily fight off Rosalie, if I had to. I was much stronger than all of them, even Emmett, though he always got the upper hand with surprise.

She looked at me sheepishly and there was a pleading look in her eyes, though I couldn't imagine how _Rosalie _could want anything from me. She had insulted me without any care or regard for myself and hadn't shown me any kindness. Ever. Did she mean to insult me? "Hi," she said quietly. Her voice sounded much kinder and more vulnerable than I could have imagined it. "I just wanted to... apologize, for my actions. I never considered what my... _hostility_ would do to you." She was looking up at me, her eyes begging me to understand. There was an underlying sadness and anger to her face, something that didn't make sense to me.

"Uh... um, no, uh, no problem," I mumbled. "All is forgiven, Rosalie." I worked hard to not let my voice tremble, but some of the nerves took over.

"Do you know what happened to me?" she asked quietly with a small, sad smile on her face. I knew what she meant.

"Yes. Well, no, not in depth. Alice said that you were going to get married, but your fiance got drunk and left you for dead in the streets. Then Carlisle found you," I stated with confusion. Why was she here? "Was there more?" I asked, not really sure if I wanted to know.

Her smile went from sad to grim and that anger and sadness rose to the surface, showing in all of her features. "Yes, there was much more. I don't want to haunt you with memories that have plagued me for 73 years, and may very well for the rest of my life." She looked out the window, taking a seat on my vanity chair. Her expression was distant, but hard. "Anyways, I had always wanted a _human_ life, not this. Not unchanging and immortal. I wanted, and still do, to be a mother. To be a wife. To be a grandmother, to grow old, to have a husband that kissed me lovingly when he got home every day and gave me beautiful babies and a big house and happiness and peace." She exhaled audibly, looking slightly defeated and remorseful. Her eyes were shining with emotion that would never be eased with the simple act of tears. Then she laughed bitterly. "I love Emmett, and I love my makeshift family here, but it will never be what I really want. I'll forever be stuck like this, grasping to any of my humanity that I can. I see humans and don't think_ food_, I think _family_ and see the way they'd be missed by those around them if they were to be gone. Human lives are precious, Bree," she looked me directly in the eyes, her gaze so intense I almost started squirming, "and I don't think you quite understand that.

"I didn't come here to talk to you about humans, though." She sighed and looked back out the window, leaving me relieved that she wasn't holding me with her eyes. "I just wanted to explain to you why I've been so angry the past few weeks. You see," she looked back at me, frustration and apologies in her eyes, "I protect my family. I may not be Carlisle or Jasper or Emmett, but I care just as much as they do about the family's safety, maybe even more. When Carlisle welcomed you with open arms... I felt like he was risking _all_ of us and hadn't even considered asking if we were okay." she finished through gritted teeth. Rosalie looked down again, seeming even more angry than before, but I hoped that it wasn't at me.

"I didn't know... I'm so sorry..." I mumbled softly, worried that she would blame me and I would get the wrath of her once again. I was even worried that she would ask Carlisle to force me out.

Her face was bitter humor again. "I don't blame you, though it seems like that doesn't it?" I nodded without realizing it. "I'm sorry. I mostly blame Carlisle and his willingness to let anybody in. Back to the point, though. I've been angered because you, essentially, pose a risk."

"What?" I all but shouted, recalling Edward's words.

_"Sorry. But really, it may not seem like it, but you're practically family now. We didn't take a risk with you for nothing, and we really care," he said softly._

_"What risk?" I asked, confused. I felt the same old shock come over me at him saying I was family, but I was more interested in what he meant by a "risk."_

_"Oh, uh," he said, sounding embarrassed, "we'll talk about that later."_

"Why is everybody saying I'm a risk?" I asked a little quieter.

"You technically should have died that day," Rosalie replied softly. "I don't know for sure, but I think the only reason they let you live and let us keep you is because they were setting us up for failure. They may be waiting for you to slip up, to break more rules and let our existence be known, just so that they can kill you. _And_ the rest of us. They expect you to be our demise." Her tone of voice was chilling.

"We've been on their radar since they found out Bella and Edward, and were almost killed just months ago. One step too far from you could kill us all, Bree," she finished gravely. I felt horrible, like I really _would_ accidentally end up killing everybody with my weakness. I could feel how wide my eyes were, and to get a sense of security, I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around them, curling into myself.

"I- I can leave, if that will help you all. I don't think I'd ever forgive myself if one of you," _yes, even you, Rosalie,_ I added in my head, "got killed because of me. You all saved my life, even though I'd done nothing to deserve it. It's the least I can do." I tried to communicate how serious I was. I didn't care if I had to leave for Alaska or follow Fred around; I would help these good vampires out no matter how I could.

Her smile was impish and small, but it didn't reach her eyes. She still had a lingering sadness and frustration there. "No, Bree, we wouldn't do that to you. You've grown on them, and you might even be growing on me." She laughed and it was a lovely, whimsical sound.

"Uh, thanks. This was... nice, Rosalie," I said awkwardly.

She laughed some more. "Call me Rose. I enjoyed it, too, Bree. I'll try to be nicer from here on out." Then her smile was genuine, even in her eyes. There was a spark of mischief there, though, and I wasn't sure how to feel about that. She stood up and began to turn toward the door.

"Okay," I replied simply. "See you, I guess," I mumbled distantly.

"Mmhmm." I could practically hear the smile in her vague response.

I sat there, dumbfounded after all of what she told me. I would have to be careful, more so than ever before. I might not have considered them to be family quite yet, but they definitely mattered and I would not have them being slaughtered by those Italian tyrants. I'd build up a resistance, but it would take time. Maybe someone would be willing to let me borrow a shirt of Bella's... Hopefully somebody would even let me talk to her at some point because I wanted to get to know a _human_ that could fall in love with a _vampire_. Plus, if she was as great as Alice claimed, it would be well worth it to know her.

##

I eventually moved downstairs again, after it was dark outside for some time. To busy myself, I had started on one of the Shakespeare books Carlisle lent to me earlier that day. I knew Edward wouldn't be around, so I was significantly calmer than before.

Jasper was on the couch, reading a worn book that looked to be in a different language. He could feel my curiosity as I walked by, and just looked up at me with a comforting smile. I was almost able to return it in full. I could hear the murmuring of Alice and Esme upstairs, surprisingly joined by Rosalie. There was the crisp sound of turning pages from Carlisle's study, making me smile. I wondered where Emmett was, but then heard the sound of a TV from somewhere in the house and Emmett's accompanying "Hey!" and "_Come on!_" every now and then. I found myself standing in the kitchen, looking at the fridge. It was probably out of habit; as a human, and a teenager, I had constantly been returning to the fridge, waiting for something, _anything_, edible to appear.

Out of curiosity, I opened the chrome machine gingerly and gazed into it. There was hardly anything in it except for some name brand sodas, fruit, yogurt, and milk. It was strange, to say the least, but I wasn't surprised. Bella hadn't been over as much as she had prior to my arrival, so they didn't want to waste food. I checked the freezer and smirked; they had ice and ice cream. Everything in the fridge could either result in a fruit smoothie, a milkshake, or an ice cream float. On their marble counters was a decorative bowl of fruit - fake, this time - and a jar of mints. I almost giggled at their meager supply of food for this human that visited them so often.

Before I knew it, I had whirled around to find an evilly grinning Emmett standing in the doorway to the kitchen, twirling an invisible mustache. "Let's go, newbie. I'm in the mood for a good old wrestling match."

I wouldn't be fooled by those childish dimples; I knew that when it came to us wrestling, he was anything but childish in his aggressive nature. I grimaced and muttered, "Not right now, Emmett. I don't feel like it and, like I've said before, it brings up bad memories."

He wasn't at all intimidated by my hidden threat: _Touch me and see what happens, Emmett. I _dare_ you_. Instead, he shifted to a crouch. To avoid breaking any of Esme's hard work, I darted under his arm and out the back, careful not to shatter any glass. I didn't need Alice's visions to know he would chase after me. "Relentless gorilla," I mumbled. I heard his booming laughter from close behind me, but I had the upper hand with speed.

To mess with him, I stopped in my tracks, turned on my heels, and crouched back, all in less than half a second. I saw the surprise on his face and laughed as I deflected his tackle, throwing him in the air and behind me easily. I heard him growl lowly out of frustration and his heels dig into the grass as he, no doubt, spun around again to face me. I matched his move and faced him with a huge smirk on my face, bringing my hands out in front of me and curling my fingers back twice, cocking my head in a silent challenge. He leapt at me with all he had, but I easily dodged it, learning his predictability, and once he was on the ground, swung him by the feet up into the air. The look on his face was _priceless_. I was on the other side of the yard before he even reached his high point in the air, laughing at his fruitless attempts to defeat me. I reveled in the feeling of power, despite my size compared to his. It felt nice to get all of the energy out and some secret revenge for those times he was pinning _me_ down.

I went over to a tree, anticipating the loud _boom_ from him landing, and jumped up, grasping some branches and pulling myself into their safety agilely. I held completely still as his eyes scanned the yard and he listened for my tell tale rustling. I bounced deliberately to get his attention and laughed at the look of determination on his face. He sprinted over to me, and just as he was about to reach my branch, jumped with all my force, effectively snapping it and sending him flying. Next, he climbed, realizing I would just send him back down with every jump he tried to make. He was about to pounce and I flew off the tree, headfirst, rolling into a somersault as the grass came flying up at me and my hands touched the ground. It was _very_ exhilarating. He made a sound of frustration again, this time louder and I laughed again.

"What, Emmett, can handle a _newbie_?" I shouted with a smile.

"You're just a speedy little shit!" he yelled back, chuckling. In reply, I just laughed some more, not bothering to be offended by his name-calling.

I darted over to the river, waiting for him to be almost close enough to catch me and jumped. I grasped onto a branch as it flew by my hands, swinging in a full circle or two, and landed easily onto another branch. The ground was still a good fifty or sixty feet below me, as well as Emmett, who just ran across the river rather than making the leap.

"When I win, Emmett," I said, "you're gonna wear a dress that I pick out for you on your birthday!"

"When _I_ win, you're gonna have to wrestle whenever I feel like it!" he replied.

"It's a deal!"

##

I sauntered in, proud that I had beat Emmett after he'd been so determined. I was sure that a huge, kismet eating grin was stretched across my face, but I was just happy to be happily distracted.

Jasper was still sitting on the couch, reading that foreign book. He looked up at me and smiled lightly.

Going against instinct, and trying to set up another bond, I sat on the cushion that was second closest to him. I was sure he could feel my warring emotions, so when he wove that emotional blanket and placed it on me I wasn't surprised.

Finding more courage, I spoke. "Hey, what's that book you're reading?" I asked quietly.

"_War And Peace_, translated into Spanish. I thought I'd vary it up a bit, but it doesn't really change." His smile, and my emotional high made me snicker. I wondered what _War And Peace_ was in the back of my mind...

"So where's Alice?" I already knew, but just wanted a confirmation.

"Wedding stuff; dresses, food, twinkle lights," he rolled his eyes, "the works."

"Uh-huh," I replied dubiously. I decided to broach a topic which, quite possibly, destroy any chance of comradeship between the secluded vampire and myself. "Uh... Jasper?" I asked, my voice _almost_ trembling, but I controlled it as best as possible.

"Yes?"

"Why, um- why did you not like me?" I thought about what I'd said and quickly continued. "I mean, I don't necessarily know if you like me _now_, and I didn't know- know if you ever got over-" I sputtered, but he thankfully interrupted.

"No, no, no, Bree. It's not that I didn't- well, it's complicated." I looked at him, worry plain on my face. He sighed and put down his book. While he wasn't looking, I scooted farther away, to give him space. "Okay. When we first found out that Victoria," he didn't have to see me to know how I felt about her, "was coming with an army of newborns for us, you can imagine how we felt." I nodded. "Don't take it personally, really, because if I'm correct, it's not your fault that you were forced to fight." I nodded again, this time in confirmation. "You... you're a different story, though. See, if you had fought, we wouldn't have been so easygoing with you, if you know what I mean." I repressed a shudder. "But when you surrendered and made it obvious that you didn't mean any harm, the others," he looked up, in the direction of Carlisle's and Esme's offices, "saw no reason why we couldn't help you.

"Remember when we told you about where I came from?"

He looked at me and I murmured, "Yeah."

"Well, that's the difference between me and them. I see a threat-"

"Or a risk," I added grudgingly.

"Yes. If I see something that will possibly hurt those I care about, or myself, I don't defend it." We both heard the _I destroy it_ that was implied after in the silence_._

"So you're saying that you didn't approve, but _now_," he nodded encouragingly, "it's different. That before it wasn't _me_ you didn't like, just what I_ was._"

"Yes." He smiled warmly. "Exactly. As Rosalie put it, you're growing on me." We both laughed, but I only did because I couldn't think of why the Cullens would be growing accustomed to me.

"So... friends?" I asked, slightly more than embarrassed.

He chuckled. "Definitely."

##

As the sun rose over the horizon and I read more of my book, I contemplated wall colors again. It was such an inane thing, but it meant a lot to me. I set my book down and wandered around the house to find Esme.

She was in the library room, dusting things off and rearranging them. "Hey," I murmured.

"Oh!" she exclaimed delicately, as if she hadn't deard me come in. "Bree." She set down her duster and gave me a hug like we were old friends. Or like I was her daughter. I found ,yself wrapping a tentative arm around her waist in return.

She pulled back and looked at me, a fond smile on her lips. "How are you?" she asked politely.

"Good, good. I was just thinking about my room and painting... I think I have a color - or colors - in mind." I looked over at her to see her golden eyes filled with excitement.

"Okay, what do you think you would like?"

"Sunset and sunrise-y stuff," I replied simpy.

She nodded and smiled. "Well, let's get some plans laid out and colors pinned down."

As we worked on my room and pointed at invisible things on the wall, choosing placements, I felt warmth inside me. Not the kind of warmth when you drink alcohol - numbing and relaxing - but warmth like when you drink something hot when it's freezing cold out, wrapped up in a blanket. I felt excitement, but not really for my walls. It was excitement for the future, a fiture where I might have a family or people that, at the very least, could welcome me into their home and give me hope.

With every accidental bump or nudge, Esme and I shared a smile, making me feel like a little girl again. Every time she mumbled a "whoops" or "oh well" in that carefree voice that only mothers know, I stifled a giggle, usually to no avail. We were bonding, but I knew that it would sadly be a while until I could really treat her like a mom.

I hoped that she understood how much that time meant to me, and how much I wished that I could offer not only her, but all of them more.

**Reviews are the best!**

**Songs from my playlist: (they may or may not be relevant to the chapter)**

**It Ends Tonight by All-American Rejects, Fly Me to the Moon by Frank Sinatra, You're Crashing But You're no Wave by Fall Out Boy, Walk on Water or Drown by Mayday Parade, All Mixed Up by 311**


	7. Tree Watching And A Ballerina Dress

**My thanks and shout-outs at the bottom this time. Insert regular disclaimer here: I don't own anything Twilight or its characters; that's all S. Meyer. I'm really sorry that my updates have been taking forever and a day lately - I was recently on vacation. I'm gonna say this again: all of you who stick with this story really are awesome people. I promise I'm not leaving it in the dust and _there will be romance_ in the future. (*cough* in two or tree chapters *cough*) I'm also working on my other fic, which is a _Shiver_ one and I highly recommend that book. _Very highly_. There are werewolves and angst and romance and all that loverly stuff. It's in a three-book series and the second book was recently released. **

**Okay, I'm done telling you about it now, and I'm just going to let you read the chapter.  
**

Once all of the colors and layouts for my wall-painting were done, Esme and I went to relax in the backyard. It was lightly drizzling, gorgeous clouds hovering in the early morning sky.

We sat down on the grass, her leaning back on her arms and crossing her legs out in front of her, and I just crossed mine and rested my arms on my legs. At some point during the planning, she had put a bandana on her head, holding her hair back. She looked over at me and smiled encouragingly. I smiled shyly and found something, buried behind my wall of secrecy and pain, I could talk about specifically with Esme.

"Did I ever tell you my mom left me when I was a child?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

Her eyes widened and her forehead wrinkled in concern. "No. You never did...?" I could tell she was politely asking me to elaborate.

I smiled lightly, mentally congratulating myself for actually starting _this_ conversation.

I was ready.

"She... well, it's kind of a long story." She nodded again, trying to hide her eagerness and that oh-come-here-you expression on her face. "I haven't told any of you what ever happened when I was human." I tried to make it sound like a question, but my voice wouldn't cooperate. "Well, besides Edward of course," I muttered; I saw her smile in the corner of my eye. "Okay, so before all of this, I didn't exactly have a great life. My... dad-" I forced the word out between ground teeth "- hurt me. A lot. I can't really remember from before my mom left me, when I was five, but I _think _she was a drug addict." I heard a small gasp and knew it was from Esme; I was either looking at the ground, or my feet, avoiding her gaze and making sure that my hair was fanned out on either side of my face like curtains. It made it easier to confess some of my history to her if it felt like I was talking to myself, not someone else.

"Like I said, I don't remember much - maybe as a defense mechanism or whatever or I just didn't see much, I don't know - and even now it's all pretty hazy. I don't really care because I'm pretty sure my father didn't love me-" why was my voice shaking? "- and if my mom left me-" and my shoulders? _Why am I shaking?_ "- then how could she... have lo- love- loved... m- howcouldshehavelovedme?" I asked myself, too fast for human ears, in barely more than a whisper. It was the first time I had actually voiced that question and it was as if my saying it was unleashing a hidden demon.

I was shaking all over, curled into myself, and squeezed my eyes shut. I wouldn't let any tears fall. I was stronger than that. Dad always said I was so weak. I'd prove him wrong again. She was nothing, just some woman who came and went like the rest of them. She made me stronger, she showed me why you don't let anyone in. I wasn't five; I was fifteen and I was waiting outside a convenience store. _The clouds were raging overhead, planning another spring storm._

"Bree!" someone yelled. They sounded worried. Maybe it was one of the girls, warning me that someone was taking my pack. Why wasn't there cement under my fingers?

"Shhh, it's alright, it's over, you're here," that same girl said, startling close to my ear. I was shaking, hard, again._Another blood-sugar spike_, I thought unhappily. I looked up and saw wide yellow eyes and lovely pale skin. Something sweet came from her mouth; I could smell and taste it...

Then I remembered I wasn't human anymore.

"Esme!" I breathed, relief flooding my mind and making me go slack into her grasp. And then I was shaking and crying and making sounds I recognized as sobbing, just without the tears. "Oh God, Esme, did they even _love _me? Did _anybody_ love me? Why did they do that to me?" I ground out between sobs and hiccups. It felt amazing, getting everything out. I never realized I was carrying anything on my chest, but I felt so much lighter... I held onto her, and for once, I didn't feel the need to pull away. I knew Esme, and now she knew me, even if it was just a little bit.

"I'm so sorry," she choked out. "I'm so sorry, Bree, I don't know. They're horrible people, and you never have to see them again. We're here, Bree. _I'm_ here," she whispered, shaking a little herself.

The absence of tears surprised me just as much as it did a few weeks ago when I first met this wonderful woman. "Thank you," I mumbled into her shoulder, pouring my heart into those words. "Thank you so much, Esme. You'll never know how much this all means to me." I hiccuped again and laugh-sobbed after, thinking of how extremely I fought opening myself up. "I don't know what would've happened if..." I trailed off, not really able to finish. That day, I wanted to die. I didn't have my Diego, and without him I was alone. But now that I had Esme and Alice and Jasper and Carlisle and Rosalie and Emmett, I could survive.

"I know, dear. Shh, I know. I'll always be here, no matter where you are or what anybody else says, I'll be here." Her words, thick with emotion, sank in, deep through my chest and into my bones, reassuring me. Surrounding me. Lifting me. Suddenly, it was clear to me: This is what a mother does. This is what a mother says to her daughter in her darkest of hours.

I pulled back and looked at her face; she was looking back at me, worry obvious in the shape of her lips, assurances in the arches of her eyebrows, and ultimately care, grief, and some other emotion in her eyes. _Family_, my thoughts whispered to me simply. "Family," I repeated to her, but this time with relief and finality.

I wrapped my arms around her neck once more and she whispered gently, "No, Bree. Not just family. _Love_." The implications of that left my heart swelling with happiness and content.

_Someone loves me. _Really _loves me._

##

After some time - we had been embracing still, with me still cross legged and her still on her knees, arms wrapped around my torso - we went back into the house. I felt some sense of embarrassment because I was sure that one or more of them had heard that conversation. But every time I looked nervously over at Esme, I didn't care because I was ready, I had made the decision, and I wasn't alone.

Alice greeted me cheerfully as I made it to the second floor, saying something about fitting.

"You'll never _believe_ what just arrived!" She rattled off some words like "dress" and "designer" and a foreign name that I wouldn't be able to pronounce. "Come with me! You _have_ to try this on! If it doesn't fit you, then at least I'll know if it'll fit Bella." Alice looked hopefully at me and tugged on my arm.

I gave her a suspecting and dubious look, about to shake my head. "_Please_?" she whined. Then, the little psychic, smiled brilliantly and led me to her room.

I sighed. "Alice, if I rip this one, how many times will you kill me?" I asked hopefully.

She looked back at me and frowned. "You're not going to rip this because if you do, I'll make sure it will be the_ last _thing you wear," Alice warned.

I felt my eyebrows draw together in confusion. What did she mean? Was she going to make me wear it forever or something? _Oh, she wouldn't._ I gasped, "Alice, no! You- you can't! That's not fair!"

"Well, I find that you tearing this glorious work of art is worthy of a punishment such as eternal nudity." She waggled her thin brows, narrowed her eyes menacingly, and laughed at my horrified expression.

"Alright, I give in. You'd see if I were planning on ripping it up, so no taking away my clothes," I muttered.

Her face lightened and she smiled. "Okay. Good. Now, if you'll just wait over here..." She pulled me over to her window and rooted me there. "And I'll get the dress ready. I'm so excited to see it on you!" she gushed.

I sat down on the floor in one smooth motion and listened to her getting the dress in question prepared for me. Her rhythmic footsteps to the closet, the knob turning, and the quiet sounds of metal clinking against the metal hanger. The rustling of the garment bag, the almost inaudible gliding of fabric against the plastic, and a _whoosh _as she pulled it out and was, I'm sure, admiring it. I started to stand up, but heard Alice say, "Ah ah ah! Not yet, you stay right there Bree Tanner. I'm not nearly done."

"But you've already seen me in it! Your visions show me in the dress, right?" I complained.

"Well, I'm deciding on makeup and hair, so yes, I see the dress and your body, but your face keeps changing." She sighed wistfully. "So no, I haven't technically seen you in the dress, _completely_, yet. Oh Bree, you're going to love it!"

I made a noncommittal sound and sat back down. About a minute later, she was in front of me, once again pulling me. "What _now_?" I asked impatiently.

"Now, for your face," Alice replied happily. "I decided on- wait, no, I'm not telling." She grinned and, in all honesty, it made me want to shred that little dress of hers because I hated that I-know-something-you-don't-know look.

"_Fine_," I groaned. "Just don't make me look like a clown or something," I muttered.

She trilled a laugh. "No, I would never do that to you. It would be a disgrace to the cosmetics industry to use makeup for evil." She laughed again.

Alice sat me back down in her vanity chair and began to assemble all sorts of powders, brushes, and colorful eyeliner pencils. "What exactly do you plan on doing with me once we're finished?" I asked cautiously. "I mean, you didn't... set up a..."

She started giggling. "Oh no, no, no! I'm not telling you anyways. It's a surprise, silly!"

I exhaled in relief. "Good. I don't really think I could date. Ever." She didn't say anything.

"So no humans?"

"Nope." Her lips popped on the 'p.'

"That's nice. Any scenic areas? We're not doing a family portrait or anything like that, are we?" I joked.

Alice snorted. "No. We never change, anyways. And I suppose you could say there will be scenic areas," she said thoughtfully.

"Okay. Whatever, I'm just going to relax and let you play Barbie on me since I don't sweat and can sit still."

"Sounds good."

I closed my eyes and let my head roll back, resting it on the chair. I felt Alice's hands rest on my face and apply something using a brush or pencil every now and then, accompanied by her humming a familiar song. It seemed like I'd heard it as a child or in a dream, something that nagged at the back of my mind and was on the tip of my tongue. "What song is that?" I blurted out, unable to take not knowing anymore. I opened my eyes, too, to see if I screwed up her makeup job.

She paused and smiled at me, hovering directly above my head. "_All I ask of You_ from _Phantom of the Opera. _Do you like it?"

"That's where I've heard it!" Realization dawned on me. "I knew this girl, before, who was obsessed with that play. She'd walk around singing _All I ask of You_ and other songs from it." I thought back to the day she claimed that soon enough, her Raoul would come and save her from her world of night. A lump formed in my throat, wondering how she was and if her Raoul did come.

"Bree, what's wrong?" Alice asked worriedly. "You look like someone just kicked your puppy."

"Oh, um, nothing, nothing. I'm fine." I plastered a smile on my face to let her know and so she could get back to work.

"Alright," she replied warily. "If you need anything, you can come to me, you know that right? I mean anything. Seriously."

"Got it. Thanks, really. It means a lot to me." I'm pretty sure we both knew I wasn't okay, but neither of us said anything. I would tell her when I was ready; I would wait because you always know when the time is right.

Once she finished up with my makeup, she did my hair quickly and efficiently. I was spun around and met a mirror with two young dark haired women. One, of course, was spritely Alice with her petite frame and raven hair framing her face. the one standing next to her was a tad bit taller and had darker eyes. She had delicate ringlets adorning her head, a deep, dark shade of brown that was almost black. Her face was lovely, with barely-there makeup in colors of green and black. There was a spark of life behind her eyes that she thought she had lost for good not too long ago, and a sense of grief and sadness that seemed much too heavy for her young age. Her lips curved up into a smile and it was matched by Alice, standing next to her.

And I found that, somehow, this girl was me.

I turned and faced Alice, smiling widely. I grabbed her hands and held them between us and hugged her with abandon. I needed to show her how much I thanked her for sparking some young liveliness back into me, for giving me some normalcy and making me feel like a teenage girl. She returned the embrace, just as enthusiastic, and I whispered, "You're the best sister a girl could ask for, Alice."

Her reply was simply, "I know." I laughed at how she said it, as if it was the most obvious thing. "And you know what, Bree?"

"What's that?"

"You're going to make a great sister, too." She pulled back and gave me a reassuring smile. "Now, let's go get you dressed up!"

It was my turn to snort. "Great pun."

She playfully smacked me on the arm and flitted ahead of me. She spun on her heels and grasped my shoulders, startling me. I instinctively let out a low warning growl and muttered, "Sorry," quickly.

"No problem," she replied. "Okay, you close your eyes - I'll know if you open them - and wait until I say, alright?" I nodded. "Fantastic. Now close."

I obliged and waited for her signal, standing as still as I could and listening. I could hear the Cullens busying themselves throughout the house and Alice's whisper quiet feet making their way around her room. I heard the dress _whoosh_ some more and then Alice sang, "Open!"

My eyelids flew up and my jaw dropped. It was a cotton candy pink, strapless, long, and gorgeous. Oh, was it gorgeous! Alice had a smug look on her face, but I ignored it and took a tentative step toward the dress. It was made out of tulle, and it had a wispy, dreamlike quality to it. The torso was fitted down to the waist and was loose the rest of the way down to the ankle. I ghosted my hand over the fabric, marveling at how fragile it must be. I looked up at Alice with wide eyes. "Where am I supposed to wear this?" I asked. "It's beautiful, don't get me wrong, but it's not exactly _casual_, per se." I went back to gazing at the dress.

"It's a _surprise_. You'll see. And who cares if it's not casual?" She looked at me as if it really didn't matter.

"Okay, I guess you're right. So can I put it on now?" I asked excitedly.

She beamed at me. "Of course! Come on, get in the bathroom and hurry! But..."

"I know, I'll be extra careful. You really surprised me this time, Alice."

Her laughter followed me into the tiled room and echoed, trailing off into mere shadows of her voice. I undressed, avoiding the mirror, and peeked at the tag. "'Dior Vintage Copyright 1950s,'" I murmured. Was it French? And how old was it? It didn't _look_ faded... I continued on and put on the under garments Alice gave me, then the dress. I gingerly pulled it over my head, stretching my arms out through the top and situating it so it fit correctly. I looked down and brushed the dress off out of habit, satisfied with how it felt and looked. I spun around quickly and stopped when I was in front of Alice's full body mirror.

"Whoa," I mumbled, once again taken by surprise at how different I looked. I heard her chuckle from the bedroom. The dress seemed to fit like a glove, wrapping around my mid-section and flowing down my hips and legs, leaving my feet and ankles bare on the floor. The pink color and green on my eyelids complimented each other, and along with my dark hair and ivory skin, it looked... well, not half bad.

"Bree, what's taking you so long?" Alice asked impatiently. "We have to show the rest of them! Come on!" I could practically see her bouncing in place, waiting for me to finally open the door.

"Okay, okay, I'm coming," I said quietly. I turned and went for the door, but suddenly it was pulled open and I was faced with the culprit herself.

She squealed loudly and threw up her hands, gazing from my feet to my head. "I knew it! I knew it would look great on you!"

I thought of how old the dress was again. "Alice, just how old is this?" I asked, gesturing to myself.

She waved me off. "The tulle was restored, but it was originally designed and released a few decades ago-"

"Like the 1950's," I interrupted.

"Yes," she drew the syllable out, "like the fifties. As I was saying, it was released when Christian Dior expanded to New York. He was capitalizing on America's interest in his newer fashion, and this one was inspired by ballerinas.* I fell in love when I saw it, and since money is next to nothing for us... I did what I had to do to get it," she admitted sheepishly. I grinned back at her.

"I see what you mean. Thanks for the history lesson, by the way."

She rolled her eyes. "Sure. Let's go! You're going to blow them away."

We walked, arm in arm, downstairs and Alice called everyone over. I started fidgeting out of habit, and my hand was slapped away as I brought it closer to the dress.

"What did I say?" Alice admonished me. "No ripping. You were going to tear it if you touched it. And there's no need to fidget; it's just the family."

"Whatever," I muttered, ducking me head.

She sighed. "Sorry. I just had a vision while we were coming down here and it's not exactly to my liking."

"What was it?" I asked, my curiosity piqued.

"Can't tell you."

Ugh. "Surprise?"

"Mm-hmm."

Suddenly we had an audience. Jasper looked at me - appraising my cooperation with Alice - sending me calm and something else that settled me down within the blink of an eye. Carlisle looked proud and Esme looked like she was going to get teary-eyed. Emmett smirked and Rosalie smiled softly, no judgment to her. "Oh man, this makes me feel like I'm going to prom or something." I blurted out, rolling my eyes. "There's the parents and the older brothers and older sister." I said, pointing to the couples and Jasper.

"Who am I?" Alice wondered jokingly.

"You're the best friend, of course," I whispered to her, my tone kidding but my words serious. Alice pulled me into a quick hug again.

We continued to the bottom of the steps and I walked over to Esme, taking one of her hands into both of mine. She looked at me, her eyebrows raised and a small smile threatening to take over. I nodded, answering her unspoken question.

I wrapped my arms around her torso. "You look so beautiful, Bree." she whispered.

It was strange and new, and maybe even a little frightening, that feeling inside me. I wasn't sure if I liked the idea of accepting these people as family permanently. But for the moment, I went with it. "Thanks." I mumbled. "It's all Alice; she's the mastermind of clothes, hair and makeup." I heard her quiet little laugh.

I pulled back and smiled at her once more. "Alright, if we're all ready..." Alice announced. "Jasper?"

"Ready to go," he replied. He walked over and Alice hooked onto his arm, looking especially delicate compared to him.

"Oh! I almost forgot!" She flitted out of the room and was back within seconds, a pair of flats in her hands that were a shade of pink similar to the dress. Alice smiled, handing the shoes that were probably quite costly to me. I slipped them on in record time. "Okay, Bree, let's go! We're taking my Porsche," she stated.

"Got it. Bye, guys," I called behind me as we walked to the foyer and out the door. Their murmured 'goodbyes' fell silent as we climbed in the sleek vehicle, me in the back, and Alice in the driver's seat. "Okay, so now are you going to tell me where we're going?" I asked, buckling up as nerves started to build up in me. What if Alice lied about the humans? What if I slipped up? Were we heading for a city? Surely, she knew I couldn't be around people just yet... But what if she wanted to test me? I was stronger than both of them! What-

"Bree," Jasper said soothingly, calming the storm that began raging in my mind. "Everything will be fine. We're not going to unleash you into some crowded building, or anything like that. We wouldn't do that to you." I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. "You'll see what we have planned, and it's going to be _fine_. If anything were going to go amiss, Alice would know," he finished confidently.

_Of course_, I thought. _Alice will see. Nothing to worry about_.

"Are we going out of state?" I asked. "Or out of country? I bet we're going to Canada, right?" I joked. "Oh my gosh, we're totally going to go tree-watching, aren't we?" I chortled. I busted out laughing at the idea of people getting excited about looking at _trees_.

"No, Bree. We are _not_ going tree-watching," Alice muttered, not sounding impressed.

"That's what you _want_ me to think!" I said, laughing even harder. I heard Jasper join in, though he wasn't laughing as hard as I was. Or he was hiding it. _Smart guy._

Alice sighed. "Whatever you say, Bree. If you're not careful we might _actually_ go tree-watching in Canada." Her warning tone made me cool down, slowly going quiet. Jasper opened the glove-box, pulling out a CD. I didn't get a chance to see the front, so my ears were at the mercy of him and Alice. The music began playing, and I couldn't help the almost silent gasp it elicited from me.

The song was _Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again_.

My stomach dropped and a lump sat in the back of my throat, making it almost impossible to speak. Jasper turned around to look at me, but I closed my eyes to try to hide any hint of what I was thinking and feeling. But of course it was Jasper sitting there, not Rose or Emmett or Alice. He would know how I was feeling, anyway.

"You okay?" he asked quietly. I only nodded, not able to say anything. "You and I both know-"

"I'm... I'm fine." I was _not_ ready to talk about Diego with him. Not with him _or_ Alice. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't say his name, and they wouldn't force it out of me. "It's just this song..." My voice was much more hoarse than I would have expected.

"I heard you and Alice talking about it earlier... so I just thought you might like it..." he trailed off.

"Jazz," Alice said quietly. "I don't think she's ready." My eyes were still clamped shut, so I couldn't see what look they were giving each other.

"How about we just forget about this, guys? Can we just go back to how we were a minute ago? I'll talk when I'm ready, okay?" I pleaded with them.

_Wishing you were somehow near._

_Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed_

_Somehow you would be here._

_Wishing I could hear your voice again_

_Knowing that I never would._

_Dreaming of you won't help me to do_

_All that you dreamed I could._

The words were like knives, stabbing me with every lilting note. Because that was how I felt about Diego, missing him so much it hurt to even think about it and knowing that I may not ever see him again. _And not knowing if you'll ever completely move on_, I thought, not able to stop it. Far worse, though, was being _scared _to move on at times, not wanting to let him go just yet. Maybe once I found someone else to share my forever with...

"Okay, but you'll have to talk sometime. It's not good to hold it all in," Jasper said, pressing a button that made the hurt go away...

"Yeah. Remember what I said, hon. Any time, any place, you can talk to me," Alice added. The term of endearment sounded foreign to me.

"I know," I sighed. "When the moment is right, I'll know."

##

The yellow car zipped through Washington on the 101 highway, a wall of green on either side of us most of the time save for bodies of water and the towns we passed through (very quickly) or stopping for gas. I always locked down all of my muscles during the drives through civilization and when the car needed to be refilled, they stopped far enough away so that I wouldn't do any harm and let me get out of the car to wait for them. I appreciated it and let them know, and I was also careful not to hurt Alice's vintage Dior dress.

The sun, thankfully, didn't make an appearance throughout the morning. This also made me wonder where we were going that was so far away.

"When are we going to get there?" I would all but whine from the back seat.

And every time, either Alice or Jasper would say something that involved "surprise" and "not telling." The boredom was becoming stifling, with no reading material and the same constant scenery passing us outside. Trees, trees, and more trees.

Port Angeles, Sequim, and even Olympia were behind us as we traveled east. "Okay, you guessed it!" Alice announced from the front.

"What?"

"You were going to ask if we were going to Seattle, and you guessed it! I thought I'd at least give you that."

A cloud of anxiety filled my mind at the thought of going back to Seattle. "Alice, what's in Seattle? Why are we going there? I- I can't! I can't go back there and see everything, all over again. I'm... I'm... I just can't, Alice," I sputtered. What was she thinking? _Calm down, Bree. You're probably just going to the city. Not your old neighborhood._ I shoved away the logic, not thinking I would be able to even be in the same city as my bastard father, plus, if we were going to be in the city, that meant _people_...

A wave of tranquility was making its way toward my mind. Irrational anger boiled inside of me, not wanting to be calm when I felt like I needed to just freak out.

Alice was obviously just as confused as me. "Why would you-? No, we're not going there. We've been over this. Don't you trust me? We're going somewhere _special_. I know you'll like it, and you won't even have to be around people. Just pretend like it's a different city," she instructed. It did little to reduce my anxiety, but my anger went just as easily as it came, my little fit coming to an end. Jasper was trying too hard, making me slouch against the back of my seat.

"Enough," I mumbled. "Alright, I give up. I'll go peacefully. I feel like I'm about to pass out. Cut it out."

He happily obliged, letting me go back to full awareness. I sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. "Sorry. I'm ruining this for everyone, aren't I?" I said guiltily

Alice exclaimed, "No you're not!" just as Jasper replied, "Not at all."

They exchanged a glance and Jasper started talking again. "You're only four months old. Nobody expects you to have complete control over yourself and it's good that you're expressing yourself." I snorted. "Really. I don't think you're effecting Alice and as long as she's happy, I'm happy." I suppressed an eye roll.

"He's right," the smart-alec up front added. "Your moodiness isn't as contagious as you think."

I smiled a little. "Great. At least I can feed off of your guys' happiness," I said, my tone all sarcasm.

"Exactly," Jasper replied simply, using more mood control to make my demeanor shift from anxious to chipper.

We continued on, and as we neared humans and bigger cities, Jasper moved to the backseat to sit with me and help control my thirst. I felt bad for him, since he had problems, too, but it was their idea so I wasn't too ashamed. I asked if I should stop breathing, but he said that there was no point; we wouldn't have the AC on or any of the vents open, so I wouldn't get their scent. Too bad I could still hear their heartbeats.

As more and more cars passed us and my throat was set ablaze each time, I slipped my shoes off and pulled my legs up gently, wrapping my arms around them and putting my forehead on my knees. "Is it really worth it?" I ground out between my teeth, flashes of _that day _coming to mind.

"You're such a drama queen," Alice said with mock impatience. Or maybe it was real. I didn't care, either way.

"Bree, it'll pass. Just be glad you're able to be this close. Remember the last car ride?" I think Jasper was trying to be helpful, but I flinched away from the memory, the sound of metal shredding making my stomach flip. "Sorry, I didn't think about that. But you've made so much progress in the few weeks you've been with us." I thought about that; I really had made some progress. Even my eyes were getting closer to orange than red with each hunt.

I groaned despite myself. "It's just so... _fiery_!" I thought I heard someone laugh, but they were silenced with my low hiss.

I sighed, groaning again because that exchange of air did nothing but torch my throat even more. "I'll try to shut up, but please Alice, for the love of all that is _holy_, just hurry up!"

"I will, Bree, I will. I don't see any bloodshed happening involving you, so that's one less thing for you to worry about."

A small part of my brain did, in fact, appreciate that bit of information. "Thanks."

##

After some time, the heartbeats came less and less, fewer people passing us on the road. I rested my chin on my knees rather than my forehead so I could see out the window. The Seattle skyline was to the east of us, the Space Needle jutting out from the rest of the tall structures. The view to the west was all water and sea.

"We almost there?" I asked, not as whiney as before.

"In fact, yes, we are almost there!" Alice announced happily. "Just a couple more minutes, then some walking, and we'll be there."

I looked up at the sky from my window, a little worried about if the sun would trap us under a tree or in the car. "The sun will stay behind the clouds until the sun is setting, so we have nothing to worry about," Jasper said, sensing my nerves.

"Good, good," I replied, nodding. I sat there, curled up, for the rest of the ride, until we passed a sign that said "DISCOVERY PARK," signaling to me that we were reaching our destination. We had passed other parks, but I knew this was the last one without turning around.

Alice had slowed down significantly, and we pulled over, under some trees, on the small road that led us into the park. I slowly uncurled, slipping on my flats and waiting for someone to say something.

"Ummm..." I began saying in the silence. "Is, uh...?"

She turned around in her seat so she was facing me, with an almost smug smile on her face. "No." Alice drew out the syllable. "This is the part where we walk. Are you ready?" They both looked at me for affirmation.

I took a deep breath. "Yeah, I'm ready."

"Okay then! Let's go. Bree, you come over to my side." She paused, her eyes glazing over for a second. "You'll be fine. And there aren't any people within a couple hundred feet, so you can move at a normal speed to get to me." _Translation: No one can see us, so you can get your newborn butt over here at vampire speed._

"'Kay." I did as she said, linking arms with her and, surprisingly, Jasper, with Alice on my left and Jasper on my right. "So when are you going to tell me where we're going?" I asked, knowing that she would answer it as she had before.

"Not until we get there, impatient." Her tone was joking, so I didn't take offense at her words.

We walked along the side of the road we parked on at a leisurely, human pace for about five minutes and then went off the path, into the trees. I could hear the waves from the water, lapping against the shore, but couldn't see it. I only knew that we were going in an almost parallel line to the beach. I was curious, but kept it at bay, not really minding the silence - aside from the few heartbeats I could hear that were too far away to make me frenzied. (They may have tried to make it seem otherwise, but I knew Alice and Jasper were holding onto me for security.)

As we continued walking through the trees, my mind informed me that we were nearing the water's edge. Again, I was wondering what we could be doing, but didn't say anything because at that point, I had no choice but to trust my keepers. Alice began humming quietly to herself, a happy little tune that I definitely didn't recognize; Jasper looked over my head at her and she looked back, both of them smiling. Even though it looked innocent enough, I felt intrusive, ducking my head.

I noticed something, up ahead, in my line of sight: A large, all-white building that was geometrical in its shape. We picked up pace, giving me a better view of the building in question. There were windows of all shapes and sizes on the walls, the smaller ones towards the bottom and the larger ones towards the top. Trees surrounded the building with few spaces, bathing the bottom half of the building in a soft, greenish glow. I had already accounted that there were letters on the building - they were hard to miss, black against white, plus my peripherals always caught every detail - but only then did I look up at really read what they said.

_CLAIRE CENTER FOR ART & ART HISTORY_

An art museum. They took me to an art museum.

The dirt and grass we had been walking on gave way to a small cement parking lot, but I froze in place. I didn't feel any hesitation on their part when Alice and Jasper simply picked me up and continued carrying me to the door as if I were a toddler. "_Stop_!" I hissed, my eyes darting around and looking for any sign of human habitation. "Alice. _Alice_. You're crazy," I continued. I waited for some response.

Nothing.

So I reluctantly asked, "Humans?"

"No," Alice replied, drawing out the syllable. She must have let it slip that she sounded nervous.

"What? What do you mean by _that_? If you're all nervous about this, then we really shouldn't-"

I was cut short by an almost painful, if not surprising, feeling in my right arm. I looked up at Jasper, a small candle sparked by my anger inside me. He looked down at me, almost _laughing_. "Did you just _flick_ me?" I demanded, trying to sound menacing.

He looked forward again, but I didn't budge. The side of his mouth I could still see was curved up in a wicked smile. "Maybe."

I started laughing at his ridiculous reply. "_Maybe_? You _maybe_ flicked my arm?" I chuckled as he grinned even wider. I could feel Alice shaking with silent laughter on my other side. "Fine. You can _maybe _go su-"

"Shut up, Bree, look!" Alice exclaimed, finally setting me back down on my feet along with the jerk to my right. I might have gotten angered at her telling me to 'shut up,' but I was too stunned by what I saw in front of me.

My mouth went agape as we stepped through the glass doors and entered the Claire Center for Art and Art History. Paintings were spread along both of the walls, only interrupted by doorways, but what really caught my attention was the sculpture in the middle of the room. The ceiling was all glass, so as the light filtered into the hall, the sculpture was obviously the center piece.

"What is that?" I whispered in awe.

I could sense the smug looks on either vampire as Alice answered. "It's a Chihuly glass sculpture. It's called _Inside and Out_. How do you like it?"

Jasper chuckled quietly, my amazement almost palpable in the air. I was still arm-in-arm with both of them. "I love it," I whispered simply. The shapes and colors really _were _beautiful and I catalogued every detail of the behemoth so I could always remember this, remember the beauty. "So what were you nervous about before Jasper harassed me?" I asked jokingly.

"Oh, it wasn't about humans or anything. I was worried about the scene you might have made."

"Ummm... Sorry," I muttered.

"No harm, no foul."

* * *

*I got this info from Decades Inc. Their blog/website that I got the image and description from is decadesinc (dot) blogspot (dot) com. If you want to learn more, you can go to the search box in the upper left corner of that page and type in "dior." You'll find the vintage ballerina dress in the search results. On my profile, I have a link to a picture of the dress. Personally, I love it but that's just me. :) Oh, and I don't know if they were selling it back in 2006, but hey. Let's just count on Alice's crazy fashion obsession to get her whatever she wants, mkay?

There is no Claire Center for Art and Art History, at least not in Seattle. I used Google Maps to find my location for the building, so I may have gotten some things wrong (who knows how reliable Google really is?). So if you're from the Seattle area, sorry if I got things wrong. I do try c: I also added a link to an _Inside and Out_ picture. It's way, way, _way_ bigger in person (I saw it in my last hometown's museum). So if ever you pass through Omaha, NE, check out the Joslyn Art Museum and you can see that awesome glass beast.

Songs from my playlist (this might actually reflect a bit of the chapter):

"Somewhere I belong" by Linkin Park

"Disloyal Order of the Water Buffalo" by Fall Out Boy

_The Phantom of the Opera_ soundtrack (the one with Gerard Butler and Patrick Wilson)

"I'd Hate to be You When People Find Out What This Song is About" by Mayday Parade

And pretty much the whole _New Moon_ soundtrack, save for a few songs – if you would like to know which ones I chose specifically, reviews or PMs or whatever are cool.

Thanks to all my readers and people who stuck through with this story despite the frickin ridiculous update schedule, special thanks to all those who favorite/follow, etc. this story, and super extra special thanks to my beta, EverlastingMuse, and reviewers. And all you little reviewers get a teaser. Because bribery works like magic.


	8. The Fourth of July

**What's this? A new chapter? :) I own nothing but the plot line. Don't sue me, I'm broke. In case anyone's confused because, hey, the last time I updated was about 3 months ago, the time period we're at is almost 3 weeks after Eclipse battle. Sorry if the quality is not up to par, I'm getting back into my writings after having to deal with school and papers and reading and math. *growls***

As Alice, Jasper, and I continued through the museum, I marveled at the pieces. There were simple ones with simple colors; then there were abstract ones where the subject or mood could be interpreted as almost anything.

They pointed out titles, many of them apparently very well known. It was all news to me. "And that one…?" I would ask shyly, gesturing towards a canvas, sometimes even a statue or vase of some sort. They'd rattle off what it was called, when it was made, and who it was made by. Every 'thank you' was simply waved off in a '_it really is no problem_' way. That didn't change the fact that they were giving me a life I could've never had.

Something kept nagging at the back of my mind, something that bothered me. It was like I knew something was off, but didn't understand _why_. I had never been there before, I didn't have to worry about getting killed-

Oh. My. God. _Omigod_.

We were all standing still, the only audience to a bright painting of a field of wild daisies. "What's wrong?" they simultaneously asked.

Some sort of choked sound came out of my throat, like I was trying to make words, but my vocal chords had other plans. I'm sure the panicked look in my eyes didn't help anything. After a few moments of trying to say it, I finally spat out, "_Volturi_."

I watched as the different emotions played across their faces, minds in-sync: Worry, confusion, wariness, and finally realization. I could have sworn I saw anxiety on Jasper's scarred face.

Fear pooled in my stomach, and as they looked from me to each other, I knew we were all on the same page: None of the vampires in Italy knew I had a talent, and everyone had somehow forgotten that they requested we tell them if I did.

_There you go again, Bree_.

Maybe I was overreacting for the millionth time that day, or maybe I knew nothing good could come of making the Cullens go to the Volturi, but I felt an abnormal wave of calm rush over me, the little sirens in my head coming to a quiet. I wasn't sure if it was even Jasper or just me.

"Um… let's go home," I suggested, knowing that they would comply. I could see it in her face that Alice wanted to let the family in on my little almost-epiphany, and Jasper probably wanted to consult with Carlisle or whatever they did in situations like the one at hand.

We all agreed on it and rushed to the car, for what reason I didn't know. Well, I had _my_ reasons for wanting to get back to the Cullen residence soon, but the others, I wasn't sure. A sudden jolt of nerves made my eyes widen as Alice climbed in the backseat beside me, Jasper taking the wheel.

"I see what you're doing." Alice breathed, her lips literally _right on my ear_. I reined in the urge to smack her away or mutter "Gross" but knew it would draw Jasper's attention, which obviously was the opposite of what Alice wanted. I was allowed to grimace, though.

I gave her my best "I don't know what you're talking about" look, but she rolled her eyes. She put her mouth at my ear again, making me uncomfortable _again_. "I won't let you do it. You don't know what it'll do to Esme." That sent a pang of guilt and shame through my chest, making me feel doubtful for a moment, but I stuck to my resolve. I shook my head. "You've become a close friend, Bree, and I don't want you to be hurt or have to join them. Remember Jane?" I flinched involuntarily, but remained a rock. Alice wouldn't sway me; I couldn't be selfish and let her do that, not after all the Cullens had done for me.

I knew nothing good would come of the Volturi coming to Forks, and the only way to stop them would be for me to go to Italy.

Alone.

Part of my vast mind made me ask myself, _Where did all of this courage and selflessness come from?_ I honestly didn't know, but didn't think to question that because I knew I wouldn't be able to have their blood on my hands. They saved my life, and changed it; they made me a different person in the weeks I'd been with them. _If anything, you'll get peaceful death out of it_, I thought, grim and mirthless.

So while we sped through the green, taking a longer route but still making good time, I planned.

I would go to the Cullens. I would tell them I had to leave them. I would tell them I didn't want a family. I would convince them and maybe break a heart or two.

_Don't flatter yourself._

Right.

I would change my outfit. I would clean my face. I would be quick, efficient, cold.

I would be Bree Tanner, not Bree Cullen.

I would ask- no, I would _steal_ money for the plane. Did minors need IDs for traveling by plane? I would ask… Bella. Surely, I could make some sort of call under the guise of saying goodbye…

I would run, if I had to. Ridiculous, yes. But who am I, if not a vampire? And that way they couldn't keep track of me; I had an inkling that the Cullens had ways and could be ruthless, if need be.

Fear prodded at me, mocking me and daring me to stay. That, mixed with the uncertainty, worry, and fading boldness, made my mind feel like it was in a million different places, trying to stay in one piece. Ghosts of solutions to this problem slipped between my fingertips when I tried to grasp them. Echoes of logical and irrational thoughts warred in my brain. Retaliation and heroism battled viciously; self preservation versus wanting to help; weakness and possibly misplaced strength fought for power over me. I felt crazy. I felt smart. I felt myself slipping into a cocoon once more, wishing for my own personal Fred to hide me from the world and a Diego to hold me and make me smile and tell me things would be okay. I felt like I was going to be sick and cry and scream all at once.

It was utterly exhausting.

I felt the rising tension in the air, thickening it, churning and radiating from all three vampires in the small space.

"Bree." Jasper said quietly.

I shook my head and clamped my eyes shut, once more curling into myself and resting my head on my knees. The words "I'm scared." carried on my breath, but they dissolved into silence before they could corrupt anyone's ears, except for my own.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

##

The large house loomed before me, the Porsche slowly pulling me to my fate.

Okay, so I was being dramatic. But how else was I to deal with this? I'd never had a real connection with anyone as a human. I had no emotions to base this off of. No experience, no way of knowing.

Alice and Jasper were out in vampire speed, Jasper in the house in almost the same instant, but Alice came to my side and helped me out. I didn't understand her reasoning, but I let her do it anyways. She was trying to lock eyes with me, but I focused on the ground. After a few moments, she softly spoke. "Bree, look at me." I didn't. "You're being melodramatic. Stop. Edward's dramatic enough for the rest of us." I almost smiled.

She took hold of my chin and forced me to look up. I didn't have to; I was still stronger than them, but I complied. I could tell Alice was right. I still knew I had to do something – I couldn't possibly expect them to know how to completely handle the situation.

I jerked away and sped up to my room. I quickly changed out of the dress, being especially careful in my haste. I put on everything I would need, plus a beater, jeans that covered my legs, and a long-sleeved shirt with a high neckline. I wasn't sure if I'd have to worry about any sunlight and, just for good measure, found a cap that looked like it would do. I passed the mirror and quickly surveyed the makeup. It still looked like she just put it on.

I frowned and flitted to the nearest bathroom that wasn't attached to a bedroom, taking a warm, wet washcloth to my eyes. It sort of tickled as I scrubbed and, foolishly, I expected to see red blotches around me eyes from such heavy-duty scrubbing. Suddenly Alice was at my side, but she didn't surprise me.

"Really, Bree."

"They can hear us, you know." I murmured, avoiding her eyes.

"No. They all went to work on some arrangements for the wedding. I told them we needed girl time, too."

I snorted and looked in her in the eye. She was serious, but I could tell she was also sort of kidding – amusement tugged at her cheekbones and eyes.

"Fine. What? And what, exactly, do you see?"

She didn't say anything for a moment, then unleashed her wrath upon me. "Bree, I swear, you really are acting like Edward right now, all self-sacrificing and thinking you know what's right. You've only been here, what, a month? How would you know if what you're doing is right, or even _smart_? You could get yourself killed. They can track you until the day you die, which might be at their hand.

"You really need to just stop killing yourself over everything. Just relax. We get it, you're eternally grateful, blah, blah, blah. We _love_-" my eyebrows were probably in my hairline, "-that you feel that way, and we enjoy having you here. You're snarky when you think no one is watching. Or _listening_." She grinned and I swore I would've blushed if I were human. "You're wise beyond your years, knowing pains that most people don't even know exist. You care, I can tell. We're growing on you." Alice smirked and I just offered her a tiny smile.

"C'mon, let's go downstairs and sort this mess out." I let her take my hand and lead me downstairs, not knowing what would happen next.

##

Carlisle's tall, lean frame whipped back and forth across the living room. I could all but see the cogs turning in his – and everyone else's for that matter – head. He had a cliché hand on his chin and the other resting on his back as he paced back and forth, back and forth, too fast for humans but quite slow for a vampire.

Alice sat next to me, holding my hand. I kept back all the animosity and took comfort in her support. _This must be what it's like to have a sister_, I mused. Rosalie – er, Rose – stood near the glass wall, looking out at the river. Jasper was next to Alice, holding his hand as well. The calm from him kept me from screaming in frustration and doing a million jumping jacks just to feel useful and do _something_. Emmett was sitting on the arm of one of the chairs, Esme sitting in the chair itself. She looked worried and anxious, but mostly held together. She knew Carlisle would find a way.

It seemed like it had been days rather than hours since we went to the art museum. I wondered if we would go again at some later date when the air cleared.

"It's not _too_ extreme," Carlisle suddenly announced. "It's not like we have an immortal child. We didn't break any rules to my knowledge."

"But Carlisle, Jane…" Jasper replied, trailing off. He, like I, probably couldn't find a way to concretely say we did anything wrong, but also couldn't find a way to say we _didn't_ do anything wrong. It was frustrating.

"I have an idea," Alice chirped. "Maybe…" Her eyes glazed over as she flashed through different scenarios in her head. "The Volturi – if they firmly believe we did anything wrong – will _find_ a way to pin something to us. We have a history with them, too, Carlisle. I know you're close to Aro, but this spring, with Bella and Edward… I _think_, if we wait it out, until Bella is changed, the outcome will be… better."

I felt pangs of anxiety in my gut. What did _that_ mean? What would happen if I left now? If I went alone? What was_ going_ to happen?

Jasper leaned behind Alice and smiled, more relaxation crashing over me. I could tell he was worried, too, though. He would probably never say it, but The Volturi terrified him. His stories of the Southern Wars and his experiences allowed one to see that.

"Alice," I said, "you never told me what you saw me doing." I regretted saying it, but I'd changed my mind, anyways. Alice was a persuasive little deviant.

"Oh… well, I pretty much saw you stealing a few hundred dollars from us, high-tailing it out of here tonight when you thought we would have less of an advantage – which was a terrible assumption, by the way," she smiled, but it wasn't mocking or cruel; just kind. "Then, you were… well, for a lack of better wording, freaking out." I snorted. Alice smirked.

"I'm guessing you completely forgot that you're a newborn vampire – and not only that! Under pressure, you… turn into animals, apparently," Alice said, making me force down laughter. Just like her, to bring that up.

"Yeah, I know. So, we'll wait until this wedding is done with?" I asked, hoping the conversation could be over soon.

Esme answered. "We'll wait as long as we need to, as long as you're safe, Bree."

I felt my heart warm up at her honest care for me. "Okay, and then… tell the Volturi?"

"Well, it'll have to be done with finesse and planning, but yes, we'll let them know," Jasper replied.

"Okay. Today is… holy crap, today's July Fourth!" I exclaimed. _How did I miss _that_? _I wondered. Emmett burst out laughing, probably because I all but shouted it out.

Carlisle chuckled. "It is. We don't often do anything, holiday wise. You can imagine how stale birthdays can be when there's no cake to eat and you've been celebrating being the same age for decades."

Rosalie started walking back towards us and I got up, sensing that it was okay for us to go back to whatever we were doing before we left the house.

"So, Bree," Carlisle continued, "when would you like to head to Denali?"

I thought about it. How long would I want to be there? What if I couldn't find Fred? I stopped myself right there; I didn't need any panic attacks. Maybe I could just explore Alaska, on the off chance that I hate everyone…

"Probably this week. Whenever you're ready, I'm ready."

"Sounds good," he replied, smiling.

##

"Okay Bree, you _have _to let me pack for you!" Alice announced once we were up in my room.

_Fabulous_. "I suppose…" I muttered.

She grinned. "You like sweaters, right?"

* * *

**Playlist (may/may not be related to chapter)**:

Goodnight Moon by Go Radio (check them out, make them famous because they're wonderful people and wonderful musicians!), There's A Class for This by Cute is What We Aim for, Society by Eddie Vedder (from Into The Wild soundtrack), Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve (love those guys), Sex and Reruns by Matt Duke.

Reviews are love, my dearies! And you'll get a teaser for the next chapter...


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